people Page 69 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tiger Woods Posts Video Showing That Maybe He Isn't Old And Fucked Up
Tiger Woods is old, and depending how much stock you put into vaguely sourced Twitter reports, possibly too fucked up to play golf. But if this video Woods just posted to his Twitter account is to be believed, he is at least capable of swinging a golf club....
Report: Blazers Owner Paul Allen's Yacht Tore Up A Bunch Of Coral Reef
This summer, Blazers owner Paul Allen, a disgustingly rich man, donated $4 million to a research project aimed at reversing the rapid decline of coral reefs. According to the Cayman Islands’ Department of Environment, Allen’s yacht destroyed 14,000 square feet of coral reef two weeks ago. Way to go,...
Oh, Hello
This morning, your Premiership highlights are brought to you by horrified woman in the background....
How To Live With Roommates Without Being A Jerk
There’s nothing more freeing than walking around your house naked, and without having to worry whether someone will come home and crash your personal time. Unfortunately, it’s more of a privilege than a reality for most of us. Life is hard, and necessity means splitting the rent with other people if...
Tyrese Has A Goddang Benihana In His Backyard, And It Looks Dope As All Heck
So my fellow Deadspin bloggers and I were scouring the internet for premium clickable content today when we—okay, it was just Samer—stumbled across the following video of singer/actor/philosopher/sex symbol Tyrese Gibson dancing and screaming and just generally flourishing to that one Ace Hood bange...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
Ah, the penis. That most comical and vulnerable of body parts. It was a bad year for all of us, but for the approximately 1.2 billionth year in a row since the emergence of sexual differentiation, it was a particularly rough year for groins. This selection of real, horrible injuries proves that Murp...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
It’s Christmas Day, and you know what that means: time to plumb the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. We’re looking for the weirdest, least explicable, and most awkward objects that America has shoved inside its various holes. God bless us, ev...
The Horse People Are Mad Online
This morning, Sports Illustrated announced that Serena Williams is the magazine’s sportsperson of the year. Williams took home the title despite losing to racehorse American Pharoah in the fan vote, and people who like horses are very mad about this....
Mark Brunell Fondly Recalls The Time Brett Favre Tortured A Deer To Death
CBS Sports published a kind of oral history of Brett Favre, in which former teammates, coaches, and friends shared their fond memories of the ol’ gunslinger, and hooooooly shit get a load of this story from Mark Brunell:...
Cris Carter, Lame Dad Who Doesn't Know What Dabbing Is, Defines Dabbing
Okay, so we’re now into the third day of talking about Cam Newton dabbin’ on dem folk and this morning on Mike and Mike, Mike Greenberg and Cris Carter discussed what dabbing is. Greenberg, a lame dad, wasn’t familiar with the dance, so he asked Carter. Carter, himself a lame dad, wasn’t familiar wi...
How To Make New Friends As An Adult, And Why
When I was growing up, my best friends were simply the ones most available to me. That’s true for most of us, probably—even if we don’t realize it at the time. My next-door neighbor Miranda was my closest childhood confidant: She was the cooler, older girl who pretended to be witches with me when we...
How To Win The Fair
Who’s ready for a big, fat line of pure, uncut Americana? If you answered “yes” or “no” or did not answer at all out of fear and/or confusion, you’re in luck! Because it’s Fair Season, people, and you’re all invited. So grab your taste for sodium nitrates, and let’s get moving....
Drake And Serena Williams Enjoy Themselves And Each Other At Fancy Cincinnati Restaurant
The Yelp page of Cincinnati Italian trattoria Sotto boasts that it’s a restaurant for “casual intimacy and communal romance,” so it makes sense that Drake and Serena Williams were spotted at a table essentially fucking with their clothes on....
Azerbaijani Journalist Killed After Criticizing Star Player On Facebook
In the heat of the moment, I bet family members of athletes who are unfairly shit on by the local hot-take purveyors in the media have fantasized about exacting revenge. In Azerbaijan, one player’s family members took this impulse a little too far and actually killed a guy for insulting their relati...
Rich People Are Using Cryotherapy To Freeze Themselves Skinny
If I told you you could stand in a tube of cold air for a few minutes to lose weight and be in the best shape of your life would you do it? Are you a rich dummy? Did you answer “yes” to both of the previous questions? Then allow me to introduce you to cryotherapy, a new sci-fi method of freezing off...
Arena Football TD Celebration An Extended Tribute To The Rock
Tonight the Jacksonville Sharks celebrated a blowout win over Tampa Bay and a berth into the AFL playoffs with a touchdown celebration taken straight from The Most Electrifying Move In Sports Entertainment. And in the no-fun NFL, it would be illegal, illegal, illegal. ...
Pacers Unveil Corny <i>Hoosiers-</i>Inspired Alternate Jerseys
In what will probably go down as the most effective marketing ploy directed solely at white people since the invention of gourmet mayonnaise, the Indiana Pacers have announced that the team will wear Hickory High jerseys—the very same worn by the fictional high school basketball team in the movie Ho...
How To Deal With Rude Neighbors
I used to live above a Chinese gambling den. The apartment was on 8th Avenue in the Sunset Park neighborhood of Brooklyn. After a work situation went sour, I was looking for a cheap place; the second-floor spot seemed clean and quiet when I looked at it. Come moving day, my new abode suddenly reeked...
I Don't Really Have Anything To Say About This White Kid's Bad Rap Song
Here is a bad rap song:...
<i>Ballers</i> Shows Us How Boring (And Lethal) The NFL Really Is
That the season premiere of Ballers, HBO’s new semi-comedy about life in and around the NFL planetary system, turns out so predictably says something about how joyless those involved with professional football truly believe it to be. The show has the bones of a slogging 60-minute drama cut down to 3...