si Page 487 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Where Is Donald Trump Even Getting This Shit?
There is the version of Donald Trump that everyone gets served, and it is an extremely luxurious experience—a thick and luridly salty braise of all-beef bombast served smothered in a chunky and flavorless dressing that looks like ranch but tastes like vinegar and forgetfulness. It is fatty and extre...
Joe McKnight's Killer Gets Sentenced To 30 Years In Prison
Ronald Gasser was sentenced to 30 years in prison Thursday by Jefferson Parish Judge Ellen Kovach for shooting and killing former NFL player Joe McKnight in Dec. 2016. Prosecutors brought second-degree murder charges against Gasser, though he was found guilty of manslaughter by a jury in January. “L...
Lionel Messi Five-Holes Thibaut Courtois Twice As Barcelona Blow Past Chelsea
We’ll probably never know whether or not Lionel Messi really could do it on cold, wet nights in Stoke, but today we’ve been given even more evidence that he is pretty good at doing it on early spring nights in and against teams from elsewhere around England....
<i>Sports Illustrated </i>Writer: The Vikings Took My Advice And Signed Kirk Cousins
Here is Sports Illustrated writer and tape-eater extraordinaire Andy Benoit crafting a lead that is the columnist’s version of inviting you into his office just as he finishes off a set of 500 pushups:...
Is Kirk Cousins's Fully Guaranteed Contract A Sign Of Things To Come?
The surprise isn’t that Kirk Cousins is getting lots of money. As the biggest name in a big market for free-agent quarterbacks, Cousins was bound to get paid this offseason. What’s notable is how he and the Vikings reportedly agreed to structure the deal, which cannot be signed until 4 p.m. (EDT) on...
Joe Theismann On The Skins Re-Signing Kirk Cousins: "It Would've Been A Big Nut To Swallow"
Quarterback Kirk Cousins and the Skins had been at a contract impasse for quite some time, but that ended today with Cousins signing with the Vikings for a reported three years and $84 million. Former Washington QB Joe Theismann went on D.C. sports radio to discuss why the team let Cousins walk, and...
Now We Get To See If Kirk Cousins Is Really Worth A Shit<em></em>
So… Kirk Cousins. It is extremely difficult—impossible, even—to evaluate Kirk Cousins solely as a quarterback when, for the past six seasons, he has plied his trade in the middle of Dan Snyder’s never-ending diarrhea rodeo. He was drafted by Mike Shanahan in the fourth round as an insurance policy f...
Report: Kirk Cousins Plans To Go Cheerfully Shout At Vikings Fans For Three Years
Erstwhile Washington QB Kirk Cousins has agreed to head to Minnesota on a fully guaranteed three-year deal, per Adam Schefter. Free agency opens Wednesday afternoon at 4 p.m. ET, and Cousins plans to sign the day after....
Broncos Agree To Pay Case Keenum Some Amount Of Money
Late last night, the Denver Broncos made the first move in this offseason’s quarterback race, snatching former Vikings quarterback Case Keenum off the market. The deal, which can’t become official until free agency opens tomorrow, was first reported by ESPN’s Adam Schefter, and then very little info...
Whoever Wrote Kirk Cousins's Farewell Blog Used "Vikings" And "Jets" Tags<em></em>
Kirk Cousins announced in a blog post today on KirkCousins.org that he will not return to Washington. In the blog, Cousins expresses gratitude towards the city and his teammates, and talks about getting to choose his next team for the first time in over a decade, but more importantly, whoever wrote ...
Police: Broncos DE Adam Gotsis Charged With Rape
Denver Broncos defensive end Adam Gotsis has been charged with rape in Atlanta, according to police. He was arrested last week and is out on bail....
Nikola Jokic Reveals How He Sets Up Those Super Cool Court-Length Passes
One underappreciated aspect of Nikola Jokic’s much-lauded passing ability is the way that he shrinks the court for the Nuggets and creates easy buckets out of otherwise unlikely scenarios. What I mean specifically, in this case, is that the big boy can huck it downcourt from a mile away and set up e...
Darren Rovell Plays Basketball Like A Tortured Soul Who Writes About Sports Business<em></em>
ESPN sports business reporter and press-release dumpster Darren Rovell plays D like he has suddenly been stricken with scoliosis. This was true in 2016 when he flailed and yelled at Kristaps Porzingis, and it was still true this weekend when he took on AND1 Mixtape star Philip “Hot Sauce” Champion a...
A Wonderteen Is Tearing Up The KHL Playoffs, And He's Headed For Nashville Soon
Helsinki-based KHL team Jokerit wrapped up a fairly easy first-round series victory over HC Sochi tonight. They won in five games on the back of teen phenom Eeli Tolvanen, who scored five goals to add to his 19 that he got in 49 regular season games (not to mention his three in the Olympics). ...
Jaylen Brown Somehow Walks Off Court After Landing On Head [UPDATE]
Jaylen Brown’s fingers slipped after a third-quarter dunk tonight against Minnesota and the Celtics swingman miraculously left the court under his own power after an emergency response that suggested the Celtics had seen their second devastating injury of the season. ...
Birds Are Good
It has come to my attention that some people do not like all birds. This or that bird is not good, they are saying or thinking or blogging nearly two years ago. But actually, whatever bird they are talking about is good. Birds are good....
Here's Some Satisfying Sports Media Beef
Who’s hungry for some fuckin’ sports media drama? What if I told you it involved one writer misquoting another and a sassy Bill Simmons tweet? Pull up a chair, friend, and get a plate of this hot beef....
Russian Team Scores Late Game-Winning Goal In Most Assholish Way Possible
Good sportsmanship: seeing an opponent fall in pain while in the process of making an easy clearance and kicking the ball out of play. Bad sportsmanship: seeing an opponent fall in pain while in the process of making an easy clearance and stealing the ball from the injured fellow in order to go scor...
President Trump Graciously Accepts Credit For Saving The Winter Olympics
Those anxious weeks and months leading up to the Pyeongchang Olympics seem so long ago, now. With the games themselves just recently in the past, it’s easy to forget the questions that so defined those days. In bars and around water coolers, out loud to friends and family and in an echoing loop in o...