si Page 964 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Aubrey Huff Is Jackin' It
Which team has the best record in the American League? Say it with me: Boston Red S ... wait, what? Baltimore Orioles? I'll be damned. Things are so crazy at Camden Yards that they're actually cheering Aubrey "Jackin' It" Huff, whose solo homer in the eighth stood for the Orioles in a 5-4 comeback w...
Milwaukee's Tailgaters Highly Evolved In All Things Toilet-Related
Where have you publicly evacuated when confronted with an overactive beer-filled bladder and nary a port-o-potty in site to relieve yourself during tailgating? Some duck behind cars and unleash right on the asphalt; others use their empty beer bottles as rudimentary urine containers....
That's A Working Microphone, Derrick Rose
Now one has to wonder what Rose was afraid his teammate was going to say about him. "What do we think of him? I mean, once you get past the premature ejaculating and toenail eating, he's a pretty nice kid who can make things happen on the court. It's a good thing too, we almost forgot his Cabbage Pa...
TV Listings (With Proper Timestampery)
Quite exciting, this web log magic. For once the TV listings will show up on the correct date, unless of course I'm merely being preemptively presumptuous and the TV listings for today appear sometime next Thursday on Jalopnik. So let's see where the time-o-meter takes us, so in the meantime, please...
The Best $187 Million Ever Spent
As Isiah Thomas and the Knicks attempt to finish up their disastrous season and wait to find out what new GM Donnie Walsh will do to rejuvenate the team, it'd probably be a good idea to make sure he doesn't read this Portfolio.com article on how much Isiah has cost the Knicks. The magazine estimates...
Brian Kenny's Media Approval Rating Went Up A Little Bit
"That's it," Chad said, which startled Kenny. He then attempted a follow-up question which also went nowhere. Again, Kenny tries to sign-off gracefully and, again, Chad doesn't go away....
The Sixers Are Good Now, So Mary Carey Shall Climb Them
How about those Sixers? it was only a few short months ago that the team was in a completely understandable death spiral, thought to be rebuilding, being encouraged to dump its expensive players to stock up for the future. And now? Well, the Sixers are on the cusp of miraculously making the playoffs...
Make Shea Rock Slightly Harder This Year
Right now, you can vote for the song that the Mets should play during the eighth-inning singalong at Shea this year. The choices are as boring as you'd expect: "Brown Eyed Girl," "Sweet Caroline," ... jeez, is that the theme song from "Friends?" Ack!...
Is The Indiana Job Really That Great Of A Gig?
As an Illini fan eager to hammer Indiana at every opportunity, we must admit that we can't find much to mock about the hiring of Tom Crean. The guy's a respected coach, a solid citizen and has a funny name. No arguments there. Except ... why the heck is he leaving Marquette for Indiana?...
Matt Leinart Should Just Grow Up Already
... So says annoyed Arizona Republic columnist Dan Bickley, who suggests that the Cardinals' quarterback of the present (and, "the future", allegedly) is just dancing a little bit too closely with Mr. Poonstone for his own taste. Bickley trots out every worst-case scenario Leinart should have consi...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while listening to The Sword bring much rock. All will fall! • Women's NCAA Elite Eight: Tennessee vs. Texas A&M, Connecticut vs. Rutgers. Winning teams get free trip to Bristol ... and sanctions! ESPN 7 p.m. • NIT Semifinals, Madison Square Garden: Florida vs. Massachusetts, Mississip...
Obviously, Tom Gordon Didn't Get His Balls Blessed
Yesterday morning, right in front of the Mike Schmidt statue at Citizens Bank Park, the Philadelphia Phillies had their balls blessed by a priest, a rabbi and a pastor with the hopes of giving 2007's team to beat an extra boost of godliness to kick off 2008. Well, God was napping yesterday, as the P...
Hugh Douglas Wants To Kill Me
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel, and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th ) awf...
Sleep Like Mike
If you've got extra space in your crib and have asked yourself recently, "What's a great way to blow some of my hard-earned cash on a completely unverifiable piece of athlete memorabilia?" then today is yours to rejoice in: You could be the owner of Michael Jordan's old, dirty water bed from when he...
Your AL Central "Preview"
All right, well, the season has supposedly started, though rain on Opening Day has to be some sort of cruel trick from God. So let's wrap up the last division....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
President Bush's One Night Away From It All
President Bush is never more likable, engaging or, frankly, informed as he is when he's talking about baseball. He lights up, displaying a breadth of knowledge that, uh, we never sense when he's discussing the Al-Anbar Province. He threw out the first pitch at the new Nationals Stadium last night an...
About Last Night
What you missed while overdosing on Mad magazine fold-ins ... • College basketball: That girl from human resources who has pictures of her cat taped to her computer and picks all the favorites every year is leading your office pool. • NBA: Whoa, big traffic jam in the West; looks like you're gonna b...