soccer Page 67 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arsenal Are Having A Shockingly Great Transfer Deadline Day
Well, well, would you look at that. Ol’ Arsène had an ace up his sleeve after all, and Arsenal have locked in two players on this transfer deadline day who will give Gooners everywhere something to cheer for once and, even more importantly, some much needed hope....
Three-Team Standoff Hopefully Will Not End With Arsenal's Dick Getting Shot Off
Famously star-crossed Premier League club Arsenal have already had a bad winter transfer window. Just last week the Gunners let Manchester United Debo them out of their best player, Alexis Sánchez, and the only thing that could even kind of almost halfway redeem them from that humiliating chump move...
Orlando City Gets Pissy After Cyle Larin Leaves For A Better Team
Canadian 22-year-old Cyle Larin—MLS Rookie of the Year in 2015, and leading scorer for Orlando City in all three of his seasons with the club—decided he’d had enough of his MLS team this offseason. Larin, presumably seeking a step up from a bad American squad and into potential Champions League minu...
Man City Spend More Of Their Unlimited Money On Yet Another Wildly Expensive Defender
Manchester City are one of the biggest and most ambitious clubs in world soccer. In order to realize their silver-lined aspirations, they need lots and lots of money to invest in the team. Luckily for them, they have more money than god thanks to the backing of the Abu Dhabi royal family which owns ...
Longest Running Women's Pro Soccer Team Folds Weeks Before Preseason Starts
The longest running professional women’s soccer team in the country has reportedly folded after a deal for potential new ownership fell apart. The Boston Breakers, which were founded in 2000 and were part of NWSL predecessor leagues the WUSA and WPS, is the first NWSL team to fold since the league w...
This Real Madrid Season Is A Total Disaster
This was to be the year that officially consecrated a new Real Madrid dynasty. After historic European success—back-to-back Champions League trophies, making for three such titles in four years—and the arguably even more Herculean feat of beating out Lionel Messi’s team for status as La Liga champi...
Three Heads And Two Teams Combine For One Very Dumb Goal
This is the kind of goal that makes me want to laugh and puke at the same time. On the one hand, it’s objectively hilarious when world-class athletes are reduced to helpless props in a pinball blooper. On the other, if Marcos Alonso or Antonio Rüdiger were positioned just inches differently, they co...
Leeds United Admit That Ugly, Vaguely Fascist-Looking Crest Might Not Have Been The Greatest Idea
Are you ready for the next era of Leeds United soccer? Are your ears pinned back to howl at the moon like a wolf, only it’s not the moon, it’s Leeds’ new club crest??? Do you love, uh, celebrating fans?????...
Former Ballon d'Or Winner George Weah Sworn In As President Of Liberia
Liberian president-elect George Weah was inaugurated yesterday in Monrovia, marking the first peaceful transition of power in Liberia since 1944. Weah was one of the best soccer players throughout the 90s, when he played for Monaco, PSG, and AC Milan. He won the Ballon d’Or in 1995. The striker won ...
Arsenal Punked Out Of Yet Another Star Player
If you had to pick a single image to represent Arsenal’s enduring subjugation in English soccer’s hierarchy, you could do a lot worse than one showing Robin van Persie lifting the Premier League trophy. van Persie famously pined for that title after failing to win it with Arsenal after nearly a deca...
Lionel Messi Is A Treasure
“It’s spectacular to watch him every day. He is the best player there is and the best there will ever be,” said first-year Barcelona manager Ernesto Valverde yesterday after witnessing yet another breathtaking display of excellence by Lionel Messi in his team’s 5-0 victory over Real Betis. Messi sco...
Please Do Not Piss In Anyone's Water Bottle, No, Not Even The Opposing Keeper's
A Middlesbrough fan was reportedly arrested after he was caught on video pissing into the water bottle of QPR keeper Alex Smithies during Saturday’s EFL Championship match, and then tossing the bottle back onto the pitch. It should go without saying that you are a deeply weird and antisocial person ...
Benfica Puts Together Gorgeous Goal
Perennial Deadspin punching bag Benfica did the first thing worthy of our praise in years today early in its match against GD Chaves when Jonas sliced in a half-volley to open the scoring:...
James McCarthy Suffers Brutal Leg Break While Trying To Block A Shot
Everton midfielder James McCarthy suffered an injury that had his opponent in tears during Saturday’s Everton-West Brom second half. When Salomón Rondón went to take a shot on goal, McCarthy got in between the West Brom player and the ball. So when Rondón took a shot, he ended up kicking McCarthy’s ...
Chelsea Return From Brink Of Despair With Gorgeous Team Goal
Chelsea fans entered today’s game against Brighton and Hove Albion in panic mode. Sitting tied for third in the Premier League but with no shot at winning the title, the team had appeared to have given up. They had scored one goal in their last four games, and had yet to win a match in regulation in...
Young Lad Is Way Too Chill About Scoring The Goal Of His Life
You’d think that even the most seasoned and professional of goalscorers would react to popping the ball into the net with a scorpion kick by frantically running around and losing their mind. But this little Irish lad, after scoring a once-in-a-lifetime scorpion kick, just calmly turned and trudged b...
Brazilian Soccer Team Scores From Ingenious Free Kick Fake-Out
We’ve seen lots of tricky free kick techniques over the years, but this one from Brazil takes the cake in terms of ingenuity and unexpectedness:...
Burnley Manager Denies Eating Worms But Admits To Sucking On Them
Burnley manager Sean Dyche seems like the kind of guy who would munch on a big bowl of tree bark, rocks, and beetles for breakfast every morning and make a big show of it if for no other reason than to prove how much of a hardass he is. Thus it wasn’t too much of a stretch to believe a former teamma...
Dumb Column: Sacramento Shouldn't Pay For MLS Stadium, But Maybe Sacramento Could Pay For MLS Stadium<em></em>
There’s one MLS expansion slot left, and it’ll soon be awarded to Cincinnati, Sacramento, or Detroit. Sacramento once looked like a lock to get an expansion spot, but it’s now rather uncertain, likely because Sacramento’s ownership group isn’t as flamboyantly wealthy as their competitors....
Neymar Is Wasting His Talents In This Bullshit League
Neymar did an amazing thing yesterday in a game you almost certainly didn’t watch and probably didn’t even hear about. At one point in yesterday’s Ligue 1 match against Dijon, Paris Saint-Germain’s brightest star picked up the ball near the center line and sped his way down half the pitch, in the pr...