steroids Page 19 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bonds Might Do This This Weekend
After his two home runs yesterday, everybody's favorite beacon of light Barry Bonds is just two home runs away from tying Hank Aaron. Perhaps you've heard about this. He's got three games in Bud Selig's hometown of Milwaukee to go for it this weekend, and then comes home for a week. It's possible he...
German TV Is Shocked To Find Doping In This Establishment
We know we're gonna blow your minds here, but it turns out that there has been a bit of a blood doping scandal at the Tour de France! We know! In cycling! Of all places! You know, you think you can trust a sport. Anyway, a German television station has decided it's had just about enough, thank you v...
Elijah Dukes' Divorce Proceedings, Shockingly, Are Getting Nasty
As you probably might expect, the wife of "troubled" Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes is filing for divorce. (This tends to happen when you send your wife's cell phones photos of guns.) She has come up with some not-really-all-that-surprising accusations....
Barry Bonds' Last Friends In The World
Bud Selig can take some solace in the world: Not everyone is gnashing their teeth and rending their garments over Barry Bonds' impending destruction of Hank Aaron's home run record....
Worry Not, Everybody: You'll Be Seeing Plenty Of Bud Selig
We know that you, like us, have been on your proverbial pins and your proverbial needles wondering whether or not baseball commissioner Bud Selig would attend the game in which Barry Bonds destroys our collective faith in humanity by breaking Hank Aaron's home run record. Wonder no longer!...
Please Do Not Protest Bonds In Sign Form
Now that San Francisco Chronicle reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams aren't going to jail for their stories about Barry Bonds, they're getting awfully cocky: They're now exposing the Orwellian practice of shutting down anti-Bonds signs at baseball stadiums....
This Is Why That Child Was Beating Your Ass
As anyone who watches "The Colbert Report" knows, children are a national menace that plan on taking the planet from us. And, to expedite the process, they're all now taking steroids....
Don't Give Up Hope On Barry Bonds Yet
As we wonder how the heck Barry Bonds can be out with shin splints when he never actually runs, we point out that, because of his injury and his recent slump, it is no longer an absolute certainty that he's going to break Hank Aaron's record....
Jason Giambi Is The Only Man Who's Honest About Steroids
We find it incredibly strange that Jason Giambi is, once again, back at the forefront of the drugs-in-baseball debate. After all, has there ever been a more effective advertisement for the benefits of performance enhancing drugs than Jason Giambi?...
They Just Don't Make Mennonites The Way They Used To
So, yeah, this Floyd Landis business. Heavens....
Eye Of The Needle
We continue to find it a sublime irony that, today, Rocky Balboa is busted for steroids. Really, he is....
Look, Another Steroids Story
Poor George Mitchell. Most people thought his steroids investigation into baseball was doomed more than a year ago, when it began, because if you don't have to talk to a guy like that, why would you? What, this guy's gonna bust this wide open? George Mitchell is a respected public figure, but, you k...
That's A Really Quiet 48 Percent
Some interesting stuff on ESPN.com today ... ESPN/ABC News polled Americans to see how they felt about Barry Bonds eclipsing Hank Aaron's homerun record. As it turns out, black people don't hate Barry Bonds nearly as much as white people hate Barry Bonds....
Bonds Is Gonna Break The Record, And It's Driving Some People Mad
Kids, we hate to be there bearer of bad tidings here, but it's pretty clear right now that Barry Bonds is going to break Hank Aaron's home run record, and quite soon. After another homer last night, Bonds is now only 14 behind Aaron. It's happening, everyone. We're just going to have to be ready for...
Fun With Rampant Irresponsible Steroid Speculation!
Rangers "closer" Eric Gagne is hurt again — this time it's his hip — and his impending absence allows everyone, once again, to play the great early-season He's Hurt Because He's Off Steroids Now game. It's fun because we have no idea!...
Look Over Here! We Use Steroids, Too! Look, Dammit!
In their ongoing battle for relevancy in the world of sports, the NHL took a positive step forward yesterday, proving that their sport is cool enough to require the use of steroids. New York Islanders 37-year-old journeyman defenseman Sean Hill was busted for abusing performance enhancers....
Time To Remind Everyone Of The Clemens Steroid Business Again
As we prepare for the annual Somebody Ask Roger Clemens To The Prom sweepstakes, Seth Mnookin reminds everyone that Clemens is pretty much as tied to steroid rumors as Barry Bonds is....
Hank Aaron Is Doing Barry Bonds No Favors
After a few months of grumbling from Barry Bonds about the fact that he hadn't been contacted by the current home run champ, Hank Aaron finally spoke up yesterday and made it clear that he has no intention of helping Bonds out or showing up when/if he breaks the record....
Strangely, The Statue Is All Natural
See, this is why you should hold off of bronzing your players until they've been retired for a while....