the Page 756 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Can We Learn About America From The Stuff We Put Up Our Asses?
This Christmas, we took our annual look at what Americans got stuck in their butts this past year. It sure felt like a banner year for rectum accidents, but was this really this case? And the obvious followup: What does it mean for the economy?...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
While collecting insertions into various orifices for our annual feature, we stumbled across a good number of truly awful penis-related mishaps. Culled from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, here's a year's worth of self-abuse....
Southern Wins By 104 Points. How Did This Basketball Sham Even Happen?
Southern University defeated Champion Baptist College last night in Baton Rouge by the pedestrian score of 116-12. It could have been worse; the Jaguars led the Tigers 44-0 until CBC made a free throw with 5:10 remaining in the first half. The entire thing was a farce, but according to the NCAA it's...
Who Will Be The Most Fascinating Person In Sports in 2014?
Over at Sports Illustrated, media writer Richard Deitsch has a collection of the responses 44 respectable sports media types gave when he asked who the most fascinating person in sports will be next year. Their picks were mostly about as exciting as you'd expect, with Johnny Football coming in as th...
Erin Andrews Asks Where Panthers Have To Get Better; Cam: "Charlotte"
Panthers quarterback Cam Newton spoke with Erin Andrews after a tight win over the Falcons for the NFC South title. There was a funny failure to communicate at one point, a few seconds after the minute mark in the video....
Chart: All 64 Potential NFC Seeding Outcomes
There's been a lot of talk about the injustice of an 11-5 Arizona Cardinals team not making the playoffs—a distinct possibility!—but we could also have a 12-4 team as the 5 seed and an 11-5 team as the 6 in the NFC....
The Houston Oilers Had Two (Mostly) Openly Gay Players In 1993
Two players on the 1993 Houston Oilers were gay, and their teammates knew and didn't care, according to the Houston Chronicle. ...
A Christmas Tradition
Terry Lyons gives us a little Shelby Strother:...
2013: The Year In TV News Bloopers
We spent a few months this year tracking local news blunders until the sheer volume of them forced us to abandon the project. Thankfully, a YouTube user has been collecting awkward events and put together this wonderful montage of the year's stupidest moments in TV news....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. [Note: Headline has ...
Geriatric Idiot On The Field Is Having A Blast
Concluding a match in Portugal's Primeira Liga between Braga and Mariti—blah blah blah, oh snap, check out this old lady bum rushing the field!...
Deck Us All With Boston Charlie
From the great Walt Kelly (circa 1948). ...
College Hockey Player And Coach Suspended For Not Filling Out Form
Here's a heartwarming story for the holiday season about a college hockey coach who did the right thing, a player who did nothing wrong, and the insipid bureaucracy that suspended them both, apparently just for the hell of it....
Ohio Player Gets A Football To The Face While Minding His Own Business
The Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl is going on right now. Don't worry about missing it, because it's the Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl. What you do need to see, however, is this poor Ohio Bobcat catching a football with his face. ...
Should You Try To Eat Your Marijuana During A Police Stop?
Texas A&M linebacker Darian Claiborne was arrested for possession of weed and Adderall, which he'd hidden in a giant Hershey's kiss ornament in his friend's car. Should he have tried to eat the weed instead? Here again is our guide on the matter. ...
Two Boys Kissing: How Our Favorite Sports Photo Of 2013 Came To Life
In January, photographer Deanne Fitzmaurice was on assignment for Sports Illustrated when she went to a San Francisco gay bar, HiTops, during the 49ers-Falcons NFC Championship game. She was assigned to get a photo that would accompany a story about the diversity of 49ers fans. Her photo, above, was...
How To Make The Best Of A Crippling Ice Storm: Play Hockey In The Yard
A brutal ice storm made things really shitty for a lot of people this weekend, but these enterprising gentlemen from Vermont found a way to make the best of the situation....
Today In Headlines You Feel Bad For Laughing At
"Cumming pedestrian hit by van, dies" [Atlanta Journal Constitution]...
Peter King Should Shut Up About Cam Newton
During the fourth quarter of yesterday's Saints-Panthers game, with the Panthers down three points and running out of time, Peter King sent the following tweets:...