the Page 917 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The John Wall Dance Makes An Appearance On <em>The Daily Show</em>
The John Wall Dance is one of my favorite things, probably because it's absurd and easy for white people to replicate. Unfortunately, Wall's debut came in a blowout loss yesterday in Orlando. Thursday threatened to be a John Wall Dance-less day. Until......

San Franciscans Continue To Smoke Weed Unabashedly In Front Of Texas Reporters
Through two games, this is easily the most interesting aspect of the World Series. H/T Kyle....

Cristiano Ronaldo’s New Nike Mercurial Vapours Look Awful
Stylish young man Cristiano Ronaldo proudly unveiled his horrific new safari-print football boots yesterday (click the pic for a closer look.)...

A Brief History Of <em>FIFA</em> And <em>Pro Evolution</em> Soccer
Following on from the unnecessary video game references in yesterday's posts, The Spoiler thought this was too good to be hidden away in the link dump....

For Those Of You Who Still Don't Think Pat Burrell Is The Gimp-Costumed "Machine"
Here's more proof: The Fightins got their hands on an old photo of Pat The Bat dressed in the gimp outfit seen in Brian Wilson's odd video. The story behind Burrell's get-up is predictably strange. Go read it. [The Fightins]...

What We Have Learned About Brian Wilson And The Machine (UPDATE)
Yesterday, we alerted you to our investigation into Brian Wilson's strange relationship with someone called The Machine. We have since received many leads about the identity of the Machine and just what it all means....

Chicharito Comes To The Rescue For Manchester United (Again)
Last night the Mexican came off the bench in the final ten minutes against Wolves to drag a lackluster United side through the Carling Cup quarter finals....

Ex-Barcelona President Hired Detectives To Secretly Spy On Players
Spanish weekly Interviu has sent shockwaves through La Liga today by alleging former Barcelona president Joan Laporta paid a gang of private detectives to go out and spy on his players and staff as they went about their daily lives....

Jeff Fisher, Private Eye, Goes Clubbing
A day after Kenny Britt got involved in a scuffle at a Nashville nightspot, Fisher went to Karma Lounge — at midnight — and did his own investigation. His findings: Waka Flocka Flame is about to blow up. [Tennessean]...

Is Brian Wilson Into Fetish Porn Or Something? A Video Investigation
In TV interview after TV interview, Giants closer Brian Wilson makes ominous reference to a masked friend called "The Machine." Who or what is The Machine? We investigate in the video below....

Paul The Octopus Couldn't Predict His Own Death
Paul passed away peacefully in his sleep this morning, after a distinguished career as a World Cup prognosticator. He was 2. He is surived by his closest relative, Squiddly Diddly. In lieu of flowers, please send tartar sauce. [CNN]...

Jon Gruden Once Again Drawing Abstract Penises On Nation's Television Screens
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Here's Audio Of That ESPN U Reporter Getting Pranked And Wrecking Her Hotel Room (NSFW)
Last week, Elizabeth Moreau was the victim of a prank in which she was prevailed upon to break a window in her hotel room, among other things. Here's a snippet. Head over to The Smoking Gun to listen to the whole thing....

Soccer Player Has Heart Attack During Match
Miguel Garcia, a midfielder for Segunda Divsion side Salamanca, is recovering in hospital today after suffering a suspected heart attack during a match against Real Betis on Sunday....

Dong Meteorologist Would Prefer You Not Post Dong Pics/Links On His Facebook Page
To Nick Kraynok, these things are good: golf, jet skiing, playing the guitar, rooting for Pittsburgh professional teams and telling the people of San Angelo, Texas the weather....

Here's A Video Of The Best Weather Dong In History
The internet says KLST is a real CBS affiliate in San Angelo, Texas, so I'll just roll with it. Dude's hand really works it from the Rio Grande tip line to the Texarkana/Shreveport satchel, don't it?...

Balaclava-Clad Man United Mob Lays Siege To Wayne Rooney’s House, Makes Death Threats
The following is a special presentation of The Spoiler. Wayne Rooney signed a new deal with Manchester United today, however, news of what transpired last night is juicy, funny, a little frightening, and could hold the reason for his change of heart....

John Salley Story Corner: Rookie Hazing, Bad Boy Style
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: A rookie gets the treatment....

ESPN Manages To Shit On Cleveland Yet Again
ESPN The Magazine is using Marvel Comics covers to preview the NBA season. A lot of them are pretty neat. But did they really have to cockpunch Cavs fans here too?...

Bleacher Report Editors Demand Bleacher Report Writers Be Less Retarded
If you are one of those unlucky sports fans who has to slog through Bleacher Report's Google-raping SEO "stories" when you do a general news search for a topic about an athlete, team, or topseventeensidelinereportersthechileancoalminersshouldhavesexwith, this is great news....