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Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part VI: Robot Surrogates And The Abyss
Consider this your daily link to Dave McKenna's "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," but here it is again for good measure. We'll post this mother until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit is frozen in amber so humans of the future can study the behavior of assholes in the 21st century. (For tho...
If Albert DeSalvo Wasn't The Boston Strangler, Who Was? Bill James Investigates
During the years 1962-64, 13 women in the Boston area were molested and then strangled by an assailant who came to be known as the Boston Strangler. In 1965, Albert DeSalvo, a convicted sex offender and patient at a local mental institute, began telling people he committed the murders. With the help...
Darren Rovell's Rays Jersey Breaks His Seventh Rule Of Twitter
Darren Rovell, CNBC's sports business reporter and self-professed master of the Twitter, sang the Canadian and U.S. national anthems at the Blue Jays-Rays game today at Tropicana Field. He did a fine job. But he forgot rule number seven of his 100 Twitter rules to tweet by:...
Tony La Russa's Tortured, Petulant Justification For Plunking Ryan Braun, As Read By A 4-Year-Old Boy
You can watch Tony La Russa try and fail to justify himself — he cycles through logical fallacies as if they were middle relievers in a 5-4 ballgame against the Reds — or you can watch young Mack Scocca-Ho capture the essence of La Russa's monologue in the video above....
Jurgen Klinsmann: America's Newest Soccer Jesus
Jurgen Klinsmann was introduced to the media this week as the new coach of the U.S. men's soccer team, a development in the making ever since the U.S. Soccer Federation batted eyelashes at Klinsmann before the 2006 World Cup. The coach spurned the USSF then, and instead led Germany to a third-place...
Rob Dibble Now Wants To Swaddle Stephen Strasburg In Warm Soft Blankets
A year ago at this time Rob Dibble was in the news for his contrarian opinions on Stephen Strasburg. Rob Dibble's in the news again for his contrarian opinions on Stephen Strasburg. Except this time it's the exact opposite contrarian opinion. What we're saying is, it's a good thing Strasburg's caree...
Did Michelle Beadle Tell Aaron Rodgers, "I Just Wanna Get Fucked" After The ESPYs? ESPN Wants To Know
Two weeks ago, after serving as ESPN's show pony during their annual ESPY Awards, Michelle Beadle hit many of the late-night parties around Los Angeles. She readily admits that. After all, she hadn't gone out at all after last year's event. And she even admits that, upon her return from L.A., she wa...
Tony La Russa Doesn't Like The Way Brewers Fans Heckle Him
"When they start cursing your family ... The funniest one was a guy said [sic], 'I hope you get shingles again.' That's just stupid." [Post-Dispatch]...
Rex Ryan Got That Awful Calf Tattoo Because He Believes In Himself
Well, this is a relief. It turns out that Rex Ryan is not any more on the verge of a mental breakdown than he usually is. In fact, he just really believes in himself. With all that belief, he probably has his own slew of business tats under that windbreaker! And for the record, this is one area in...
Dan Snyder Is Now Campaigning Against The Rights Of D.C. Residents To Govern Themselves
Dan Snyder's lawyers yesterday filed a brief in D.C. Superior Court as part of Snyder's dumbass legal jihad against the Washington City Paper. Snyder's lawsuit looks for all the world like a "strategic lawsuit against public participation." Even the ACLU thinks so. Such "SLAPP" suits are deployed by...
The Official Deadspin Guide To Booger Growth
I built a new PC this weekend, and by "I built it" I mean I stood there while my brother-in-law, who knows a lot about computers, assembled it. I probably should have washed the Sun Chips cheese powder off my hands before touching the processor. It's very cool to sit there for a day and take a look ...
Thankfully, Nyjer Morgan Has Continued Giving Postgame Interviews In Character
Yes, the Brewers have won seven in a row and opened up moderate leads on not-good-enough St. Louis and really-not-good-enough Pittsburgh, but that success isn't the most exciting thing in Milwaukee baseball. Nor is Prince Fielder's contract year or John Axford's mustache or the Yuniesky Betancourt...
Miami Cries Out For A Neckbearded Savior
Lo, the echoing green of Sun Life Stadium. A scrimmage, Dolphin against Dolphin, for the hearts and minds of the Dolphin faithful. And who should presume to represent the faithful, their unshattered, unshaken loyalty, their loyal teal? A leader; a general; a man....
This Woman's Kneecap Is Pretty Sure That Asdrubal Cabrera Hit A Two-Run Homer Last Night
In the eighth inning of the Indians-Red Sox game last night, with the game tied at five runs apiece, Asdrubal Cabrera's hit a line drive to right field that was initially ruled a single. Umpires reviewed the play and called it a homer — Cabrera's second of the night — to give Cleveland a two-run l...
Usage Note: "It's The Dallas Football Cowboys," Says Jason Stupid Garrett
We already flagged the absurdity of Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garrett's announcement that this year's rookies will have to earn the right to wear the logo of a team that's hasn't won anything since those rookies were in the Pop Warner Tiny-Mite division. Go ahead, treat the Cowboy star as a rah-rah...
Nick Young Is An Unexpected Contender For The NBA's Premier Hipster
We've had some discussion in the Deadspin office today about the use of the word "hipster," and whether or not we can apply the term to Washington Wizards guard Nick Young, who scored 60 points in a Drew League game last night. Dickey claims that the term is too "fraught" and complicated to be so li...
The Highlight Reel From This Women's Motocross Event Contains The Saddest Highlights Of All Time
Let's go ahead and ignore the slew of kitchen jokes that everyone has already made over on YouTube and admit that we have never attempted to ride on a motocross course, let alone in the "Moto Enduro X," the new X-Games event that struggled its way to completion last night in Los Angeles. For all we ...
Joey Harrington Hit While On A Bicycle In Portland
Former Lions and Dolphins quarterback Joey Harrington has now reached the nadir of his Portland days. He was hit from behind while biking....
Dear Grantland: Have You Never Heard of Motörhead?
While readers wait for ESPN's Grantland to provide a space for comments and corrections, Deadspin continues to help the startup by accepting and publishing feedback. Comments below reflect the opinions of Grantland readers and are not necessarily the views of Deadspin. Readers who have additional co...
Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Hard Work Is Rewarded
Bartolo Colon, the Yankees' veteran pitcher and repository of ultimate philosophical truths, battled once more against entropy and meaninglessness on Saturday. Also against the Baltimore Orioles. A hit batsman and an error behind him put Colon on the ropes in the first inning, but he struck out Mark...