Tour de France Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Let's Watch The Cyclists Go Whizzing By
Planning on watching the Tour de France in person this year? Be careful where you sit. This is something they don't show you in the brochure. At this event everything is uber-organized; including the pee breaks. Little known fact: When Lance Armstrong would pull over to do this, he would leave a smo...
Lance Armstrong, The Only Pure Cyclist
Mercifully, the Tour de France is over, and some guy we've never heard of but is probably doping like everybody else won. Yahoo. The race's public implosion got us to thinking about Lance Armstrong....
R.I.P. Tour De France
If you're like us, you never really cared about the Tour de France anyway, but with all that has gone done with that race this year, we suspect that no one else from now on is gonna care either. Everybody's doping, the leader has been sent home by his own team, the guy who's in the lead now was jus...
German TV Is Shocked To Find Doping In This Establishment
We know we're gonna blow your minds here, but it turns out that there has been a bit of a blood doping scandal at the Tour de France! We know! In cycling! Of all places! You know, you think you can trust a sport. Anyway, a German television station has decided it's had just about enough, thank you v...
Please Do Not Run Over The Man In The Enormous Thong
If you think the Tour de France is boring, well, you're obviously missing the regular appearances from Borat. We hear they're making a new version of "American Gladiators." We're going to have to insist they all wear this swimsuit....
Your New 2006 Tour de France champion? Not Quite Yet, Oscar
Wait, just hold everything here. The Nation of France, postponing a major confrontation? That's odd. The air was thick with nervous anticipation (and, of course, fermented cheese) today as that country's national doping agency was expected to rule on Floyd Landis and the Urine Sample of Mystery. Bla...
Apparently, There Are Blood Dopers In Cycling
So you know how Floyd Landis was tested positive for doping — kind of — after the Tour de France and they're probably going to give his title to the second place finisher? Well, turns out, that's probably not going to work either....
The B Sample Cannot Save Floyd
Floyd Landis's fall from grace appears to be complete. They finally got around to testing his B sample this morning, and - surprise, surprise - it was as tainted as a Paris Hilton pap smear. It's a little sad, but to be honest, it's probably more fun for American sports fans to have another doper to...
Not Looking Good For Mr. Landis
For those still holding out hope that Tour de France winner Floyd Landis is truly the nice Mennonite boy who feel victim to an unfortunate, accidental circumstance involving testosterone on Jack Daniels, The New York Times has some bad news today....
Floyd Cruises
It was Floyd Landis, as expected, rolling to victory in the Tour de France. Thor Hushovd won the final stage, which earns him not much more than a hearty pat on the back. It's Floyd who will sip the victory champagne, maybe for the first time in his life. That's a guess. Floyd just looks like a g...
Floyd Makes Us Proud
Floyd Landis did what Floyd Landis does this morning, cruising past Spaniard Oscar Pereiro to put himself in position to claim the Tour de France tomorrow. Pereiro started the day 30 seconds ahead of Landis, and finished it about a minute behind him. I don't know anything about cycling, but I kno...
Here Comes Landis!
OK, after we poked a little fun at him yesterday, we've gotta point out: American cyclist Floyd Landis appears to be a total badass. Today, after being counted out of the Tour de France after collapsing yesterday, he blasted by everyone to win the stage and slip just 30 seconds behind the leaders....
Are We Ready For A Tour de Landis?
Can Floyd Landis be the next Lance Armstrong? We as Americans have to decide, and soon. It's clear after Tuesday's 15th stage of the Tour de France that Landis just could win this thing. Are we sure if we can embrace a cycling icon who looks exactly like a slightly younger version of actor Jim Bro...
Americans Temporarily Release Death Grip On Tour De France
Floyd Landis is no longer the leader of the Tour de France, after struggling in the longest stage of the Tour de France. Not only is he not leading anymore, but he's over a minute behind. The stage winner was a German named Jens Voigt, and the Overall leader is Spain's Oscar Pereiro....
More Cheaters At The Tour de France
With all the hullabaloo about doping at the Tour de France, we find it amazing, in this day and age, that Dick Pound (hee!) and the other blood-thinning experts are missing out on rather obvious examples of malfeasance such as this one....
Cycling To Kill Time Between Doping Scandals
The Tour de France is underway, despite the fact that four of last year's top five finishers have been banned from the competition for being dirty, dirty, dopers. Meanwhile, the other one of the five is currently cruising through Iowa. I'm not sure if it's possible to dope on corn....
Get Ready For Tourgasm, 2006
Lance Armstrong will not be participating in the Tour de France this year; he got word that astronomers have found traces of his lost home planet, and he's gone there to investigate. So that leaves it to the mortals to fight over the remains, and if early indications are correct, the French aren't g...