ty Page 768 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Most Entertaining Meltdown By A College Football Color Guy In History
Spencer Hall asks us to keep Florida Atlantic color commentator Dave Lamont's spazgasm in perspective: "After all, it's not every day you challenge an entire pressbox to a fight in the middle of a game." Noted.[SBNATION]...

Brett Favre Is A Bitch
I'm a Vikings fan, so I apologize in advance for any and all homerism contained within this rant. But my team lost last night because our QB is a fucking bitch....

Pitt Coach Jamie Dixon's Hands Are The Jaws Of Life
If your car ever flips on a Pennsylvania highway, and your buddy takes off running, say a prayer than Pitt men's basketball coach Jamie Dixon is somewhere nearby to help you from the wreckage....

The NFL's Hit-Porny New Safety Video: The Director's Cut
The NFL released a new safety video yesterday that's deeply troubling, and not just for defenseless punters. For one thing, it's basically hit porn, as the version here demonstrates....

"Unnamed" Viking Expresses Thoughts On New NFL Safety Rules Via White Board
Following NFL releasing a new safety video, one that shows Seahawks punter Jon Ryan getting hit "cleanly" by the Bears Earl Bennett, Vikings punter Chris Kluwe—I mean "someone"—shared his thoughts on the perceived hypocrisy of the league. Kluwe will be fined by Roger Goddell later today. [@ChrisWar...

Another Goofy Slavic Baller Plays Way Out Of His League
Sasha Vujacic and Maria Sharapova are engaged, he announced last night. I bet Vujacic and Marko Jaric just high five each other and giggle constantly. [AP]...

Dwight Howard Could Probably Be In One Of Orlando's Top 15 Wedding Bands
Dwight Howard: fearsome defender, likable enough guy, and...cover band front man. Yes, that's right. Dwight—with a full child-backed band—is releasing an album of covers from illustrious acts like The Black Eyed Peas and Smash Mouth. It's terrible. [Sparty and Friends]...

My Conversation With Milton Ahlerich, VP Of NFL Security
Hi, everybody. Just got off the phone with Mr. Ahlerich — nice gentleman, serious gentleman — and we discussed if I'd be willing to cooperate with the NFL's thorough investigation into Brett Favre's sexting habits....

So It Begins: NFL Security Sends Us An E-Mail About Brett Favre And Jenn Sterger
Now Daulerio has his hands full with NFL security....

Vulcan Mascot's Decision To Light A Homecoming Float On Fire Was Highly Illogical
A California University of Pennsylvania—huh—student who plays the school's Vulcan mascot has been charged with setting fire to a homecoming parade float last Saturday....

Jeff Garcia Pisses In Hand Towels, And The Art Of Breaking Thumbs In The Loose-Ball Pile
Today, mongrels, we're excerpting from Anthony Gargano's tremendous NFL Unplugged, which offers a ruthlessly entertaining portrait of the NFL. It has all the lawlessness, the poop, the broken fingers, the organized insanity that the league would prefer you not know about....

Video: We Ask Jose Canseco About His Missing Chandeliers
Earlier today, I scuttled over to 8th and Broadway in Manhattan. The goal: ask Jose Canseco if he'd gotten his "chandeleers" back. Was it a success? Yes. Yes, it was. As much as anything involving Jose Canseco can be called a success....

Backheel Goal Scorer Returns With More Fancy Goal Scorin'
Another all-worldie from Irish striker Matty Burrows of Glentoran FC. The terrible goalkeeping sort of takes the shine off this one, though....

Bo Pelini Is Pissed In Both Senses Of The Word
Please cast your eyes to the crotch of Coach's pants, which appear to be running a spread offense of their own. [ESPN, H/T Bryan C.]...

Coach Would Rather Players Sleep Around Than Drink After Games
Roberto Mancini has made Eastlands the new preferred destination for football's top womanizers, after ordering his Manchester City players to put down their pint glasses and instead wrap their hands around a nice pert boob....

How One Small DVR Improvement Screwed Up The Football-Watching Experience
No sport lends itself more readily to the splendors of digital video recording than football. And nobody suffered more than football fans when Comcast introduced a schoolmarmish new DVR feature: auto-correction for fast-forwarding....

John Salley Story Corner: All Rub, No Tug From The Hotel Masseuse
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: when massages go technically right....

Chinese National Basketball Team Karate-Kicks Brazil Off Court In International Friendly
The Chinese men's national basketball team apologized today for its most recent on-court brawl, in a designated "friendly" match against Brazil on Tuesday. Players and coaches blame it on bad calls — all within the first sixty-six seconds of play....

"Nude Katy Perry" Photos And Other Things We've Been Offered Since The Favre Story
Since the Brett Favre story has gone from salacious "internet report" to a talking point on Access Hollywood, many, many people are finding out that, yes, we do pay for stories every once in a while....
