uri Page 159 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Michael Vick's Dog Receives Key To The City
Back in February, when folks in Dallas were outraged that the city's Mayor Pro Tem had awarded Michael Vick with a key to the city that, he explained, was really "for the children," the Dallas Observer ran the headline that included the phrase, "As It Turns Out, Anybody Can Get a Key to the City of ...

The Constitution Gives You The Right To Flip Off Rival Fans
A huge court ruling has gone completely under the radar. It's not a steroids witch hunt, or a BCS antitrust suit, but something far more important to the day-to-day lives of sports fans: protecting your First Amendment right to bear middle fingers at a football game....

Here's Video Of Some White Parking-Lot Rage That Left A Guy Hospitalized
Yesterday, police in Philadelphia released video from last weekend that shows four imbeciles beating someone unconscious and face-bashed near a bunch of clubs that tend to attract gorilla juiceheads willing to beat people unconscious and face-bashed in parking lots....

This Horrific Leg Injury From An Australian Football Game Will Make You Hate Sports Forever
We trust that you know yourself well enough to fairly judge whether or not you want to see this gruesome clip, especially just before lunch. You might want to wait until after you've had your sub. Or maybe you don't want to watch it at all. It's up to you. What you need to decide for yourself is w...

Wrestler Could Have Gotten Away With Robbing A Bank If It Wasn't For His Meddling Fans
On the Combat Zone Wrestling field of battle, Nicholas Wilson went by the name of Nick Gage and his was best known for "his daring feats in the ring." Alas, grappling connoisseurs will go a half decade without seeing said daring feats unless they happen to be in a New Jersey state prison....

The Perils Of Pissing At A Bruins Game When You Are A Canadiens Fan
Here is an ad for adult diapers from Barstool Sports. If this Canadiens fan squeezed out a drop or two, he almost certainly shat himself as well....

Today In Great Quotes
"I didn't touch her," Haynesworth responded, according to the document, adding that he doesn't "even like black girls." — Per ESPN, prosecutors filed paperwork in Superior Court in Washington saying that if football-player extraordinaire Albert Haynesworth agrees to plead guilty to simple assault t...

Yankees Accidentally Leak Personal Info Of 20,000 Season Ticket Holders
The New York Yankees accidentally distributed a file containing information on more than 20,000 season ticket accounts. The spreadsheet contains account numbers, names, addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses, and was mistakenly sent to thousands of current clients....

Albert Haynesworth Allegedly Swiped His Credit Card In A Waitress's Cleavage
This and other details from Haynesworth's indictment on assault charges stemming from a February incident at a DC hotel restaurant. It's one of two pending cases against the soon-to-be-ex-Redskin, and carries the possibility of jail time. [AP]...

Here's Video Of A Seattle Sounders Leg Getting Broken During Last Night's Game
In the third minute of what would ultimately be a 1-0 road win, Steve Zakuani of Seattle Sounders was taken off the field on a stretcher after what's being deemed a cheap-shot sliding tackle by Brian Mullan of the Colorado Rapids broke his right tibia and fibula....

Naked Man Invades Home, Steals Prized Kansas Basketball Outfit For Cover
Donald Watson of Springfield, Mo. was charged yesterday for invading a home while naked. While he was there, he donned a former tenant's beloved Kansas basketball outfit and then took off on a police chase; he was ultimately taken into custody after "a run-in with a police dog."...

Phil Jackson's Zenergy Lulled At Least One Person To Sleep In L.A. Last Night
Your morning roundup for April 21, the day after McDonald's "National Hiring Day" in Cleveland got real. Real violent. Like, spitting in faces and hitting people with cars violent....

The Lady Who Yelled At Cops To Stop Beating, Tasing The Patriotic Pirates Fan Was Fined $1,000
Remember the clearly patriotic Pirates fan who got billy clubbed and Tased at PNC Park earlier this month? Of course you do, but here's a link to it anyway. Dude's name is Scott Ashley. He's 40, from Friendship, but isn't due in court until May 25 to face charges of harassment, public drunkenness,...

UGA Recruits Rob UGA Locker Room On UGA Recruiting Visit
We love this story, and you might too depending on your feelings toward SEC football and certain programs. Three people have been arrested in connection with stolen property from the Georgia locker room, and police say the suspects are recruits. That sound you just heard was the exploding heads of t...

Barry Bonds Guilty On One Count Of Obstruction; America Now Safe From The Scourge Of PEDs
After four days of deliberations, the jury in the Barry Bonds case has found the all-time home run leader guilty on one count of obstruction; the defense and the prosecution settled on a mistrial for the remaining three counts of lying to a grand jury. We would like to point out that he is still a p...

Brian Giles' Attorney Takes Ball Out During Trial Break And Has Chuck Knoblauch Sign It
Here's Brent Schrotenboer, who's making his career covering this trial like Star Jones did with O.J., writing in the San Diego Union-Tribune:...

Washed-Up Larry Johnson Has Settled His 2008 Drink-Spitting Lawsuit For $100k
Larry Johnson, most recently of the Washington Redskins and this misspelled jersey, has seen his once blossoming NFL career disappear. Now, a lawsuit regarding an inflection point along Johnson's precipitous fall from grace has disappeared too. Perhaps Johnson wants to know if his career can come ba...

The UVA Lacrosse Murder Case Continues On Its Creepy Path To A Grand Jury
The District Court in Charlottesville, Va. has ruled that the now-infamous case that charges University of Virginia men's lacrosse player George Huguely with the murder of his then-girlfriend, women's team member Yeardley Love, has enough evidence to go to a grand jury....
![Karen Sypher's Lawyers May Need A Refresher Course On Law's Finer Points [CORRECTION]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j51fw71y5fojpg.jpg)
Karen Sypher's Lawyers May Need A Refresher Course On Law's Finer Points [CORRECTION]
Last we heard of Rick Pitino extortionist Karen Sypher's legal counsel, she was performing oral sex on him in his office. But that lawyer testified against her in her trial, so things weren't working out so well there....

This "He Said, She Said" Trial Involving An Ex-NL West Outfielder Is Getting Weird
Of course, we're talking about the palimony case of Olvera v. [Brian] Giles. What did you think we were talking about? Giles' ex-girlfriend is suing him for $10 million that he allegedly promised her after their breakup....