washingtonwizards Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dude, John Wall, Whoa
Team USA Basketball Camp starts today in Las Vegas, which means of bunch of the top American basketball players get to hang out under the watchful eye of Gregg Popovich—and also, apparently, one massively exhausted party animal will be there too. The Wizards tweeted out a picture from the camp that ...
How I Became A Wizard, By Dwight Howard, Age 7
Last year, the Washington Wizards underperformed both out of sheer ingrained habit and because some of the most important people on the team just absolutely fucking hated some of the other most important people on the team. On Monday, the team introduced Dwight Howard, the veteran big man that the t...
Yes, Surely Dwight Howard Is Just The Man To Solve The Wizards' Crippling Chemistry Issues
Why did the Wizards fade down the stretch last season and finish 10-15 after the All-Star break on their way to another first-round exit? Part of it was an injury to John Wall, part of it was their questionable depth, but an important reason was that they loathed each other. Exhibit A: Marcin Gortat...
Michael Wilbon: LeBron Should Play For The Wizards So He Can Be Like Jeff Bezos<em></em>
Michael Wilbon, a grumbly shithead who’s spent the better part of this millennium actively torching his own hard-won relevance, has now weighed in on LeBron James’s impending free agency. You may be surprised to learn that Wilbon—who has made it clear multiple times that he thinks D.C. is a “terribl...
The Raptors Finally, Mercifully Spared Us Any More Of The Washington Wizards
The Wizards, who won 43 games during the regular season—that’s three fewer than the Denver Nuggets, who failed to make the playoffs in the much tougher Western Conference—and were the Eastern Conference’s 8th seed, were eliminated on their home floor by the Toronto Raptors Friday night. ...
All The Wizards Did Was Heat Up
So the Washington Wizards will not be swept by the Toronto Raptors. Friday night the Wizards got hot from the floor, survived several instances of their players being crabby, runaway buttheads, and grabbed Game 3 on their home court. Marcin Gortat shaved his mohawk; John Wall cooled it with the turn...
Bradley Beal Says Scott Brooks Apologized To Him For His Role In Beal's Dreadful Playoffs
Bradley Beal, like his team in general, is not having a good playoff series against the Toronto Raptors. Beal shot just 3-for-11 in Game 2, scoring just nine points and picking up four fouls en route to an atrocious plus-minus of -34 in 25 minutes. Overall, Beal is scoring 14 points per game and has...
The Wizards Of Aughts: The Post-Millennium Washington Wizards And The Bloggers Who Immortalized Them
The late-model Washington Wizards are broadly competent, secretly mediocre, spotty, and more boring than they are not. They could be nutshelled as an equal and opposite reaction to their counterparts of a decade ago. Those Wiz teams, which weren’t better but sure were stranger, boasted a bigger coll...
The Raptors Put The Wizards In The Trash, Where They Belong
The competitive part of last night’s Game 2 between the Toronto Raptors and Washington Wizards was over, long over, by the time some combination of shame and embarrassment sparked a smidgen of detectable pride or competitive intensity in any Washington player. The result was a laughably misleading ...
Here's Everything At Stake On The Last Night Of The NBA Regular Season
Tonight, anyone watching the NBA will get to see the closest possible regular-season equivalent of a play-in game when the Denver Nuggets travel to Minnesota to play the T-Wolves for the last playoff spot. Both clubs are 46-35, and Minnesota leads the season series 2-1, though a 100-96 win last week...
Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before: The Washington Wizards Are Melting Down
God, the Wizards suck so bad. They are almost certainly the sorriest team that has not been eliminated from the playoffs: by win percentage (.525 as of Saturday morning) they’re behind the Western Conference’s 10th seed; they’ve lost four in a row and eight of 10; four of those losses have come to t...
Scott Brooks Looked Like He Wanted To Die
Last night’s game between the Cavs and Wizards was a fun one, featuring LeBron James fully rounding in playoff form and orchestrating a 32-14 run to close out the last 7:48 of the game. The game also offered us a chance to see Wizards head coach Scott Brooks’s soul die, little by little....
Kelly Oubre On His Mental Health: "Deep Down Inside I'm Going Through A Lot"
Washington Wizards small forward Kelly Oubre Jr. added his perspective to what other NBA players like DeMar DeRozan and Kevin Love have opened up about in recent days—talking about his mental health in an interview on NBC Sports’s “Wizards Tipoff” podcast (it starts around the 13:00 mark)....
None Can Defeat The Mighty Wizards
The brave Milwaukee Bucks tried their best. After falling behind the invincible Washington Wizards by 21 points in the first quarter of last night’s game, the deer men scraped and clawed nearly all the way back, drawing the deficit down to a single point five times in the fourth quarter. Alas, each ...
Bobby Portis Plays Role In Derrick Rose-To-Wizards Conspiracy To Perfection
Saturday night, with the Bulls hosting the Wizards, teammate puncher Bobby Portis sent not one but both available Wizards point guards to the locker room with bloody head wounds. Clearly, clearly, this is part of the grand conspiracy to bring Derrick Rose to the Washington Wizards. ...
Evil Fate Is Conspiring To Bring Ernie Grunfeld And Late-Career Derrick Rose Together At Last
Adrian Wojnarowski is reporting that the Wizards are expected to sniff around Derrick Rose, now that he has been waived by the Utah Jazz. In a closely related story, I am going to be sick....
The Wizards Are Winning And Making John Wall Mad
Before dropping a game to the 76ers last night, the Washington Wizards were on a 5-0 run without star point guard John Wall in the lineup. Now let’s watch as the Wizards manage to turn winning a bunch of games in a row into a bad thing....
Someone Please Stop Ernie Grunfeld From Considering This Very Stupid Trade
I can think of no harsher or more depressing condemnation of the, god, coming up on 15 years Ernie Grunfeld, a cartilage-brained nincompoop who never saw a ruinous short-sighted midseason trade he didn’t like, has spent as the head personnel honcho of the Washington Wizards than that the following s...
John Wall Broken, Wizards Dead, Universe Empty
Washington Wizards guard John Wall will miss six to eight weeks for a “procedure to clean up” his sore left knee, the one that has now been interfering with his career on a dismally regular basis since at least as far back as 2012. In related news [long anguished scream, tapering away to silence]....
Steven Adams Offers Bradley Beal Swift Kick To The Dick And Balls
In the third quarter of tonight’s Wizards-Thunder game, Bradley Beal went up for a rebound and came down with a direct kick to the dick and balls from Steven Adams. Said kick did not exactly look like a natural act, especially not in the slo-mo replay below:...