whimsy Page 95 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Use Your Urine To Kill Space Aliens
If you're like us, the art of urinating in a public restroom has become a rote, empty, stale ritual. We mean, come on: You just stand there. Where's the sport in that? Alas, we must now thank the fine people of Belgium for turning the act of urination into the competitive event we've all been beggin...
Anti-Meth Ads, Sports Style
So you know those terrifying Montana anti-meth ads that were recently taken off the air?. Well, in an inspired bit of dark whimsy, The Great Barstoolio had put together a sports compendium of the ads....
America Keeps Working On Its High Five
As always, we salute the great art of the high five. Sure, it might seem awkward, and it might not start off well ... but you have to follow it through....
Moons Over My Prom-Y
For those reading who are teachers, it is that time of the year to volunteer your chaperoning services to one or more of your school's proms. There, your job is to make sure no one's hands fall below the belt line for illegal slow-dance fondling or, you know, make sure no students are having babies ...
The Japanese Don't Believe In Tommy John Surgery
The durability of major league pitchers is a fun debate to have with old baseball guys who long for the days before middle relievers and letting starters accumulate pitch counts until their tendons snapped in half. Those purists would most likely agree with the coach of Kawamato's technical high sch...
Stephen Colbert Unveils Latest In Philadelphia Sporting Attire
Stephen Colbert is in Philadelphia this week to film his PA primary-centric version of "The Colbert Report" and is ingratiating himself with the local animals quite nicely. Last night, he showed off this multi-teamed jersey that would surely be a big hit with some of the more ardent and more fashio...
Seriously, This Is Getting Ridiculous
The photos of Roy Williams signing the belly of a Hooters girl provide a cute, funny moment for Kansas fans and other Williams detractors who may think a man of such coaching stature should not be hanging around with the jiggly-boobed wing-servers. But perhaps even more fascinating than that was th...
Politician On A Mission To Rid Toledo Of Any And All Peckers
So, big sports news here in Toledo. After the minor league hockey team went on hiatus, they're returning soon, along with an arena football team, in a brand new sports arena. And here's where you start caring, because the new football team might be called the Toledo Peckerheads....
Kenny Enjoys Popsicles
The man you see here iis one Kenny Irons of the Cincinnati Bengals. The downright fabulous picture was posted yesterday on the blog Bossip, who incidentally have one of the finest taglines on the internet. Before you go jumping to conclusions regarding Kenny's sexual proclivities you might want to c...
Woman Knocks Out Husband With Potato; Dodgers Sign Her For $25 Million Over Two Years
If you're Irish like me, this is pretty much an everyday occurrence. But for others it may be rare: During a drunken Thanksgiving argument, a wife grabbed a potato and fired it at her husband, nailing him right in the snout and knocking him to Dream Town. (As Emeril would say: "Bam!"). Aside from th...
Mr. Testicle Is The Bo Jackson Of Mascots
Well, 100 Percent Injury Rate has dug up more videos of Mr. Testicle in action. Can we create him as a Madden character? The problem is that he's so good at sports now that he's pressured to improve and keep up with the rest of his competitors. That's all fine and good, of course, except that leads ...
The Fish That Could Be An Offensive Lineman
We consider fishing a sport, though we're not sure why; we're generally pleased to classify pretty much anything a sport, because everything's better when it's competitive. So, therefore, a terrifyingly huge freaking fish....
The Houston Texans Are Full Of Political Intrigue
Amazingly, there's all kinds of political strife in the former Soviet land of Georgia. We know. Protests and corruption in Russia; now we've seen everything. Apparently the major opposition party is led by Matt Schaub. They're totally regretting passing on Reggie Bush as the leader of the oppositio...
No Longer Will Your Finger Jousting Competitions Be Lawless
We've talked to you about the great sport of finger jousting before, but we are proud to report that the World Finger Jousting Federation has come up with an official set of rules. They're quite helpful....
Hey Kids, It's The Giant Colon!
Seriously, the kids could spend all day playing in the giant colon. And they would, if the state capitol building didn't close at 4. Actually, the display is called "Super Colon and Friends," and is on display in Carson City, Nev., to raise colon cancer awareness. But I just call it fun! (Yes, I ha...
USC Seniors Are Not Smarter Than A Fifth Grader
Chris Washington is a senior at USC with a GPA of 3.50. And even though he had several of his fraternity brothers rooting him on in the front row during the game show Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? last night, he still seemed a bit confused. Below are a list of the questions that he got wrong:...