whimsy Page 94 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Great Moments in Confused Skydiving
The Tar Heels football program planned to kick off their season in style yesterday. UNC hired a pair of skydivers to descend from above and deliver the game ball prior to their match-up with McNeese State. Fans and organizers waited in breathless anticipation for their arrival. Only the skydivers ne...
The Onion Breaks Some Interesting News About Stu Scott
There are many reasons as to why I shouldn't link to an Onion article titled, "Stu Scott's Left Eye Moves To Fox", but the reasons why I should link to it somewhat outweigh them. I think. Not sure. But what harm could possibly come from linking to someone else's cruel satirical sports writing if it...
Tom Barbero Was Only Trying To Cool Off
Nothing gets a suburban small town more in a tizzy than when a "noted sex offender" moves into the neighborhood. All the rehabilitation and prison time in the world can never convince overly- protective parents this monster will ever be available for car-pool or babysitting duties. Granted, regardle...
Apparently We Can't Have Football Camp Without Broomstick Rape
I hate to be the guy that laughs every time some poor high school kid gets violated by some other kid or group of kids that think, "Hey, if I could stick something in this kid's ass, why, that would just be fantastic!" Where's the logic? It's not that these things are suddenly happening out of nowhe...
It's The Dog Kids Love To Bite
That wasn't the sweet taste of victory that a 17-year-old Bunnell High School (Conn.) wrestler was experiencing recently during practice. One of his teammates was arrested for alleged sexual assault, when he produced his wiener and slapped it onto the mouth of an opponent, who had been pinned. Ah, t...
Beef Queen Vs. Lettuce Lady: The Final Conflict
Showing an uncharacteristic sense of humor about itself, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has thrown down the leafy, fibrous gauntlet, challenging the newly-crowned Missouri Beef Council's Beef Queen, Meagan Webb, to fight their own Lettuce Lady in a tofu wrestling match. But we would adv...
D.C. Kickball Suit of 2006 Reaches Conclusion
In a monumental ruling for kickball fans everywhere WAKA, LLC (World Adult Kickball Association) v. DC Kickball has been dismissed. So I guess it's not monumental at all. The case was filed in February 2006. Why? WAKA alleged that DC Kickball stole their kickball rules. And if you've ever lived in ...
His Worst Scars Will Be Psychological, Of Course
I'm no rodeo expert, but I'm pretty sure this kid isn't doing it right. But such is life in the breakneck world of mutton busting; sometimes you ride the mutton, and sometimes the mutton rides you. Yes, mutton busting ... because in the old west, it was so important to break the wild sheep herds tha...
Dicky Lyons Jr, Or A Vision In A Dream
AJ linked to the story of Dicky Lyons' dream in yesterday afternoon's Blogdome, but these words really deserve their own post. During SEC Media Day Kentucky wide receiver Dicky Lyons Jr. decided to liven things up by taking the media on an intimate tour of his subconscious. ...
Eggycam Weds Gambling and Hatching Eggs
What's more, there's a constant camera on the eggs replete with running odds. What diabolical mind could come up with such a combination? I don't know. But what I do know is that it sucks to be sitting in an office on Friday afternoon. And it sucks 10,000% more if that office is a law office. So, c...
Please Refrain From Soiling The Spirit Of The Olympics With Your Hirsute Homosexuality
Here's an amusing story out of Washington involving an alternative lifestyle organization (The Northwest Bears) and the stuffy policies of the United States Olympic Committee. The Bears were busy promoting their annual summer campout which they originally dubbed "Kamp Kodiak 2008 Olympic Village," u...
Oh, Sklars
The Sklar brothers, Jason and Randy, have finished a a new web-only series for the Topps baseball card company called "Back On Topps", oddly enough about two brothers who inherit a baseball card company. High jinx will surely ensue....
Behold The Rogers Centre's Sordid History Of Sinful Decadence
Over the weekend series with the Yankees, a young woman wearing only a thong leaned against the glass of her $400 per night Renaissance Hotel suite, which overlooks the outfield the Rogers Centre. Hotel security handled the situation "as soon as they learned about the nudity," but not before plenty ...
Naked Rock Climbing Hugely Popular with Hot Chicks in America
At least according to the loveable British newspaper The Daily Mail (Some of these images may not be safe for your place of employment. But they're rather tame on the nude-lady-rock-climbing pictorial scale.)The Brit newspaper says, "It is the latest extreme sport craze to sweep the US, and is now t...
Cornhole Tournament Comes to Soldier Field
It's been my experience that the only thing more popular in Cincinnati than playing cornhole is going to Kentucky for the night life. For the uninitiated cornhole is an intensely complicated game where you toss bean bags into holes. It's impossible to go to any sporting event in the Midwest or the S...
Faceless Spectators At Wimbledon Making Spectators With Faces Uncomfortable
Whatever kind of creepy counter-culture stunt this couple with the skin masks are performing, it's getting London a little worried....
All Hail The Brilliance Of Zombie Kickball
Oh, but to be in Portland, Maine this weekend! We have found the next great American sport, and it will be celebrated this Sunday. Ladies and gentlehumans, we introduced you to ... Zombie Kickball....
The Best Way To Ensure Your Child's College Years Get Off To The Right Start
Most of us who had going-off-to-college parties usually had some dinner with family, maybe a house party with friends, and maybe, if we're lucky, our parents would finally relent and spring for Coors Light party ball to build up our alcohol tolerance enough before we begin five years of chronic bing...
Golfing Hazards That Could Have Maimed A Small Population Of Tennesseeans
Just in time for Father's Day, the Hidden Valley golf course in Tennessee is doing some major upkeep on its course like bunker shaping, filling in deep barrancas, aerating and...bomb removal. Yes, hole number five of Hidden Valley had, according to bulldozer driver Freddie McGee, an "old tube-type b...
Michael Jackson's Big Night Out
Each time Michael Jackson pops up in public, I always think, hey, that guy who seemed to be the most captivating entertainer on the planet is still somewhere hidden behind that Play-Doh face. Probably not, but, come on, am I the only one who, as a 10-year-old, once thought my life would change for ...