Tony Parker Fuels Our Nightmares

OK, we know that Tony Parker plays for the Spurs. And he's linked to Desperate Housewives co-star Eva Longoria (Yowza!). That's 12 or 13 Around the Horn-style points right there. But then there's this: He's also a rapper. (13 ... 12 ... 10 ...) who raps in French (9, 8, 7, 65432 ...)

According to the San Antonio Express News, Parker makes his San Antonio hip-hop nightclub debut at Club Antro, 7959 Fredericksburg Road, on Tuesday (we listed the address so you wouldn't drive near there by mistake). The show, billed as "Tony Parker & Game Time Family featuring Fabolous," will have Longoria as a "special guest" — to insure that angry fans don't trash the place, were assuming. Fabolous, by the way, is a New York rapper and Parker's collaborator who supposedly had a hit in 2001, although we can't recall it. But that's not all. Parker, of late, has dubbed himself in promotions as "Tony Pizzle" and "The Machine." Another horrifying fact: His first rap record "The Top of the Game," has an accompanying video which features teammates Robert Horry, Tim Duncan, Brent Barry and Nazr Mohammed.

I'm sorry. The thought of Brent Barry rapping ... in French ...

Help us, Lil Ronnie! You're our only hope!

Tuesday will mark Parker's S.A. club debut with Fabolous, Eva [San Antonio Express-News]