Every Lonely Man Will Call This Poor Girl Tonight Except Zane Johnson
Well, this young woman will probably rethink this decision if she suddenly gets contacted by thousands of horny morons. Hopefully, she didn't use her real number. What's the area code in Tucson anyway?
This girl is trying to offer her services and companionship to Zane Johnson, the University of Arizona's shooting guard, who helped lead his team past UCLA this afternoon, 84-72. Her boy Zane chipped in 11 points including a couple of threes near the end of the half to whip the Wildcat faithful into a frenzy. Hopefully, that performance is enough to motivate him to call her back.
***** If you're part of the Lonely Hearts Club tonight and do not have a Red Lobster dinner planned for you and your current partner-in-fondle, you can always hang with Sussman. His NBA Slam Dunk Contest live blog will always bring you chocolate wit and candy heart-filled bingo cards.
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin and the nihilistic heroism of Artie Lange.
NBA Draft Lottery 2026: Odds, Format, and How It All Works
MLB Betting Picks Today: Tuesday May 5th Pitcher Prop Bets
Chandler Simpson Is an Anomaly for Tampa Bay Rays
Predicting Second Round Stanley Cup Playoff Surprises
- Best NBA Bets Today: Game 7 Picks for Cavs vs Raptors, Magic vs Pistons
- Why Cavaliers Should Cover at Home in Game 7 Against Raptors
- Best NBA Playoff Parlays Today: LeBron, Cade Cunningham and More
- UFC Fight Night Perth Betting Picks: Top Bets and Predictions
- Friday May 1st MLB Betting Picks: Top Predictions for Today’s Games
- April 30th NBA Playoffs Best Betting Picks and Predictions
- Kentucky Derby 2026 Picks: Expert Predictions and Top Contenders

