I Can't Stop Looking At This Washington Wizards Hustle Chart

The Washington Wizards are relatively dope this year, and are currently resting their legs after laying that five-game smackage on the Sad Chicago Bulls. What's changed this year, besides a great offseason (Otto Porter notwithstanding) and a great Marcin Gortat trade and the steady progression of a great backcourt? ACCOUNTABILITY.

This here is the Washington Wizards Hustle Board, wherein the coaching staff/under- or unpaid intern(s) tracks everyone's charges taken, deflections, and the percentage of shots challenged. Though radio host, race-baiter, and unwashed penis shaft Colin Cowherd will tell you otherwise, John Wall is not a selfish, me-first, shucking and jiving GLORY BOY. In fact, according to this Hustle Board, John Wall is mayhap the single hungriest player in the world, with commercial fishing nets for limbs. Gortat, also. On the other end of the spectrum, Andre Miller is older than everyone, and Otto Porter and Glen Rice give no fucks and get no tick.

Really, this is all you need to know about basketball, and really, about life. These are the only stats that matter. Zards going all the way; PER is dead.