Locker Page 550 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Andre Iguodala Delivers Withering Assessment Of Matthew Dellavedova
After getting thumped in the dick by Matthew Dellavedova last night, you knew Andre Iguodala would have something to say. Rather than going fire and brimstone, he delivered a devastating series of backhanded compliments, essentially calling Dellavedova a YMCA scrub. “To make a life, and to feed thei...
Shaun Livingston's Jumper Is The Poison On The Warriors' Blade
Imagine playing for the Cavaliers, and spending the better part of the last two nights stress-dreaming about how you will possibly be able to survive Steph Curry and Klay Thompson. Then imagine playing in Game 1 of the NBA Finals and escaping their wrath with nothing more than a 20-point flesh wound...
The Warriors Didn't Even Need Their Stars To Wallop The Cavs
Here’s how thorough the whooping the Warriors bench put on the Cavaliers in tonight’s 104-89 beatdown was: Shaun Livingston got a curtain call; the Cavs’ best highlight was a nutshot; Brandon Rush and Timofey Mozgov played; Golden State’s bench outscored Cleveland’s 45-5 before a brief garbage time ...
Matthew Dellavedova Thumps Andre Iguodala In The Dick And Balls
Earlier today, we had Matthew Dellavedova atop our rankings of the most hateable players in the NBA Finals, and he lived up to his billing in short order, striking the first blow against an opponent’s dick and balls. The victim? Andre Iguodala....
Donald Trump Doesn't Know Shit About The Bay Area
Vulgar olive loaf Donald Trump is hitting the campaign trail in California in advance of the state’s June 7 primary. A good way to appeal to your constituents is to show that you’re “one of them” by feigning nominal interest in their sports teams. If you do this, though, you should have a working se...
Whatever Happens, Anderson Varejão Is Going To Be A Dude With A Championship Ring
The Warriors are a ruthlessly efficient team run by a fiery, undersized center who will take out his anger on your dick and balls and a teeny-tiny point guard who carries himself with a non-insistent swagger, and they’re owned by a techno-libertarian pug who named his dogs after Ayn Rand characters....
This Sports Baby Is Impressively Terrible At T-Ball
Podcast host J.J. Redick has a cute kid who, sadly, appears to have world historic trouble with unseating a tennis ball from a t-ball stand....
Deadspin Up All Night: My Body Guides The Way
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Stick around....
What Snack Makes For The Best Campfire Kindling?
A guy named Zach emailed our tips line to let us know that Doritos make for excellent kindling for a fire. So our staff decided to experiment with a bunch of snacks you might bring camping for their multi-purpose potential. “Experiment” is a generous term; we took chips of all different sizes and su...
Dan Gilbert Is A Child
So you’re still having trouble deciding which NBA Finals team to root against. It’s tough! So many hateable players on both sides. Perhaps the tiebreaker can be found in the owner’s suite....
LeBron James Returned To Cleveland With A Strict, Uncompromising Mentality
During his first go-round in Cleveland, LeBron James was pilloried for all manner of sins—real or perceived—most stemming from the belief that he acted like a tyrant and ran roughshod over the Cavaliers organization. For instance, here is Brian Windhorst the day after The Decision:...
An Extremely Helpful NBA Finals Preview For Basketball Morons
Hello, casual basketball viewer! The NBA Finals begin tonight, pitting LeBron James’s Cleveland Cavaliers against Ayn Rand’s Golden State Warriors in a rematch of last season’s Finals, which the Warriors won in six games. Here’s what to expect, what to look for, and what to pretend to know about eac...
Is This How We'll Convince The World To Eat Bugs?
I’m open to the idea of people eating bugs for protein in the long run, and not just for the cheap novelty of Let’s eat some freakin’ creepy-crawlies!!!! You can set aside any issues of animal cruelty and still acknowledge that the meat industry overtaxes lots of resources—land, water, feed crop tha...
The Hater’s Guide To The 2016 NBA Finals
A few years ago, when my children were very small, I lamented the fact that I had to cut a great deal of sports out of my life. This happens when you have a baby. There’s no time to watch a tetrafinal playoff game because the kid needs to be fed or taken for a stroll or put to bed or have its butt w...
Please Do Not Licki Your Kitty
There’s a special, biologically intimate relationship that animals have with their own kind. Dogs sniff at the butts of stranger dogs in search of their anal sacs, and the secretions of the chemicals within—it’s their version of a handshake, and gives pups an idea of what to expect from one another ...
Don't Be Inspired By This Cubs Tattoo
I don’t begrudge this Cubs fan his enthusiasm or his desire to express it, even in a way that feels like the visual equivalent of using plural first person pronouns when recounting the accomplishments of more athletic strangers. I just think he made some choices that shouldn’t be emulated. Let’s loo...
Deadspin Up All Night: Never Move Or Change
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Just gonna keep on keepin’ on. ...
I Am Hypnotized By This Ingenious Caveman
There is a man in Australia who goes out into the bushland of Far North Queensland to live out his caveman fantasies. The practice is called primitive technology, which he describes as “a hobby where you make things in the wild completely from scratch using no modern tools or materials.” Lest the va...
GRRM Reads New Old Pages, Lending Credence To Insane <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Fan Theory
Famed no-pages-haver George R.R. Martin went to Balticon last weekend, revealed Brienne of Tarth’s secret lineage, and read some pages, which, despite their fresh unveiling, are old. He’s been slowly letting out advance chapters from The Winds Of Winter, the sixth volume in his A Song Of Ice And Fir...