Soccer Page 323 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Will There Be Enough Votes To Oust Sepp Blatter?
In about five hours, while you are sleeping soundly, FIFA will begin voting in Zurich for its next president. The secret ballot will be held by the 209 member associations of FIFA, who each hold one vote, meaning that Maldives has the same voting power as Germany. In the first round of voting a cand...
How Many Ways Can You Hide A Bribe? The Best Of The FIFA Indictment
“There are some people here who think they are more pious than thou. If you’re pious, open a church, friends. Our business is our business.”...
Sepp Blatter Shocked, Shocked To Find That Bribery Is Going On In Here
In a statement released just now, FIFA president Sepp Blatter wants you to know that he’s just as concerned as you are about corruption in his organization. Corruption which comes as a complete surprise to him, and which he totally has nothing to do with....
IRS Goober Hits FIFA With A Tasty Burn
There were a lot of important things to discuss at today’s Department of Justice press conference about the corruption charges being brought against FIFA, but let’s worry about that stuff later. For now, we can focus on this dude from the IRS, who stepped up to the podium and unleashed hell:...
FIFA Says There Will Be No World Cup Re-Vote
As the Justice Department arrested or indicted 14 FIFA and media officials in dramatic early morning raids, Swiss authorities announced a criminal investigation of their own, into allegations of corruption and bribery related to the allocation of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups to Russia and Qatar. FIF...
Reports: Justice Department Brings The Goddamn Hammer Down On FIFA
According to reports in both the Wall Street Journal ($) and New York Times, a number of FIFA officials were just arrested in Zurich, Switzerland, and according to the Times are expected to be extradited to the United States where they will face charges of “wire fraud, racketeering and money launder...
FIFA Slaves Banned From Attending Relatives' Funerals
The 2022 Qatar World Cup will be brought to you by Coca-Cola on the backs of slave workers, many of whom hail from Nepal. These workers live in filth and work in terrifyingly dangerous conditions; their efforts to build the McDonald’s-funded event will result in one dead worker for every 90 seconds ...
Australian Soccer Chief Falls Off Podium At Trophy Ceremony
Melbourne Victory beat Sydney FC 3-0 last night to take Australia’s top soccer trophy, but all most Aussies will remember about the evening is 84-year-old FFA chairman Frank Lowy falling off the stage while trying to present the champions with their award....
Stadium Lied To; Fans, Players Cheer Title They Didn't Win
Strap yourselves in, because this story is batshit....
Banned Manager Hires Cherry-Picker To Let Him Watch Match
Hamit Işık is banned from entering his team’s stadium for the next nine months, but that didn’t keep the Çorum Belediyespor manager from keeping an eye on his team’s playoff game. The Turkish league skipper is suspended for a recent interaction with a referee, and the stadium itself was closed to fa...
Eduardo Galeano Has Died; Here Are Excerpts From His Classic Soccer Book
Eduardo Galeano, one of the most beloved writers to ever come from Uruguay and Latin America as a whole, has passed away today at the age of 74 after succumbing to cancer. Galeano was famous for writing about politics and history and war and economics. He also brought the same passion and knowledge ...
Ottawa Fury Player Attacked During Flight To Atlanta
An assailant attacked Ottawa Fury FC forward Oliver Minatel today during the team’s Air Canada Jazz flight to Atlanta for Saturday’s NASL match against the Silverbacks. CBC reports the man attempted to use his headphones as a garrote to strangle the former C.D. Nacional player just before the plane ...
Why Soccer's Most Popular Advanced Stat Kind Of Sucks
Here's some free advanced soccer analytics: .095....
Darío Benedetto Beats Keeper With Beautiful Curler From 25 Yards Out
Costa Rican side CS Herediano took a 3-0 lead into the second leg of their CONCACAF Champions League semifinal against Mexico's Club América. They have it in the bag, right? Yeah, not so much. As of this posting, just 30 minutes into the game, Club América leads 5-0, and a Herediano player was just ...
Eden Hazard Is Showing England What A Great Player Can Look Like
Much of what fuels England’s rabid, explosively celebratory, often masochistic, sometimes even violent devotion to soccer is the country’s unique interpretation of the game. Their love of direct attacks, sliding-karate-kick tackles, and ceaseless running almost compels teams into wide-open matches w...
Carlos Tevez Scores Indirect Free Kick From 6 Yards Out
Every once in awhile you see an indirect free kick—meaning a goal can only be scored if it touches one other player first—awarded only a few yards away from the goal. In this case, the referee judged that the Empoli goalkeeper picked the ball up after it was deliberately passed back to him by a te...
Professional Soccer Team Somehow Fails To Score On 5 vs. 1
Down 0-1 in stoppage time yesterday in a Swiss Super League match against Young Boys, FC Vaduz sent nearly everybody forward in attack. When that attacked was repelled, it left Vaduz facing what you see in the thumbnail above: an unprecedented five on one for Young Boys. But with a wealth of profita...
Charlie Adam Scores Goal Of The Season From His Own Half
Just when you get fed up with the rash tackles and misplaced Hollywood balls, Charlie Adam goes and scores the most Charlie Adam goal possible....