how-to Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Don't Have Opinions About Other People's Underwear
Are your underwear emitting an odor of feces or stale urine or stagnant crotch-and-ass sweat that I can smell from a normal, respectful distance? Are you wearing some form of outer garment between your underwear and the outside world? Are you someone with whose underwear I may interact directly in t...
How To Measure Your Kid's Dick
Don’t. What the fuck is wrong with you?...
You Puny Millennial Weaklings Disgust Me, A Tough, Sinewy Elder
Via the Washington Post, I have learned of a study by the Journal of Hand Therapy showing that millennial men are a bunch of weak, pampered diaper babies with butter-soft hands and that your puny muscles are no match for my hardened, callused Gen-X gripping power. I am paraphrasing, here. The Journa...
How To Get A Piano (Like For Your Spouse, Say)
So you’ve decided to get a piano! For yourself, or for, say, the piano-loving Target worker who gave up her lifelong piano access when she moved to Mississippi to live with you as your wife. I think this is a fine choice! Pianos are lovely. Let’s talk about some good and bad practices for acquiring ...
How to Do Everything
Want to learn how to do things? We’re here to help....
Here's What To Do When You Barf In The Car
My guest this week on the official Ask a Clean Person podcast is Freddy Hernandez, a/k/a Tavarish, of Jalopnik fame, who joined me in the studio to lend his expertise to more of the messes you all are making of your cars. And boy, are you ever making some messes!...
How To Clean A Roach-Infested Coffee Maker
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
How To Clean A Mattress, And Why
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Don't Mess Up Your Anniversary
The tough thing about writing a definitive guide to anniversaries is that every couple should, quite rightly, handle them differently....
How To Write A Note For Any Occasion
Writing a thank you note or trying to find the right words to let a friend who just lost his mom know you’re thinking of him is no one’s idea of a good time. But from time to time, most modern men will find themselves in a situation that calls for a handwritten note. ...
How To Have An Actual Conversation With A Woman
I know the headline may have ruffled your peacock feathers, but please, hear me out. Many men do not know how to have a conversation, and it would behoove our communities, our country, and dare I say the entire human race if this disconnect could be bridged. I’m not referring to suaveness in the pic...
How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice
Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on which to count highway billboards threatening you with ultimatums like “Accept Jesus Or Burn In Hell.” Not a whole lot to recommend the place once you get out of earshot of the surf....
How To Get A Cheap Motorcycle And Not Crash It
The problem is, most things are Good in inverse proportion to the degree to which they’re Fun. Broccoli is Good; Bacon is Fun. Taxes are Good; Casinos are Fun. Gyms are Good; Bars are Fun. You get the picture. But assuming, as I do, that all of us must live at least a little, few things are less Goo...
An Adult’s Guide To Learning To Ride A Bicycle
The Anna Karenina principle of biking is this: Everyone who learned how to ride a bicycle did so in roughly the same boring way; anyone who made it to adulthood without learning required a unique series of roadblocks, failures, negligence, and procrastination. If you fall into the latter group, cong...
How To Run With The Bulls
The following is from True.Ink, the new experience-based magazine; head there for way more photos, not to mention dispatches on how to make a pipe, how to turn your pickup truck into a “boatmobile,” and how to make Tom Brady’s pancake recipe....
Is Refusing A Breathalyzer Test Ever Smart?
Welcome to Ask a Lawyer, where I, a lawyer, respond to your questions. Got a vexing legal issue? Send it over, or drop it in the comments below. Keep in mind that this is general information, and not formal legal advice or legal representation; if you need any of that, you should get it from a lawye...
How To Move Across the Country, One Step At A Time
Last winter, after waffling between leaving or staying in Brooklyn for close to four years, I finally bit the bullet. I decamped to Seattle. I used to think I couldn’t live without an egg & cheese from the bodega, McGolrick Park, or Pete’s Candy Store (where there’s no candy, but plenty of liquor). ...
Oh God, What Is Croup, Does My Kid Have It, Oh God Oh God Oh God
Parenting a small child means, of course, doubling the number of people whose well being is your responsibility. This can be difficult, for a Wearer Of A Garbage Bag Because You Forgot To Buy Laundry Soap For The 27th Consecutive Week—for someone who has arrived, mostly by accident, deep in the swam...
How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear
Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working musc...
How To Be A Good Person On An Airplane
Things are getting bleak in the skies. See this article in the New York Times about swapping seats on a flight:...