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Let's Make Some Kick-Ass Sangria!
Sangria is like summer itself: always good, but rarely as great as it could be. Due to their respective built-in advantages of cold, fruity alcohol and relative proximity to the sun, sangria and summer are tough to fuck up. But these same inherent strengths can lull us into a laziness that prevents ...
How To Kick Ass At Karaoke
Karaoke! It’s fun, it’s social, it’s a great way to show off your total mastery of the lyrics to “International Players’ Anthem.” But what if you’re the type of person who wants to sing, but doesn’t necessarily know where to start? It’s easier than you might think....
How To Steal Food From Craft Services
Today, I ate lunch on Netflix’s dime. It was okay. ...
Why Not Brew Your Own Beer?
The art of crafting homemade hooch isn’t just for the heroes of country music songs anymore. Ever since 1979—when President Jimmy Carter signed a bill allowing homemade booze for the first time since prohibition (!)—homebrewing has become an American pastime for self-declared connoisseurs of beer. (...
How To Make Chicken Liver Pâté, You Adventurer, You
Pâté is a fun word to say through your nose. Paaaaah-TAY. You should practice this often, as it will accompany the finished product well as a signal to the swells that you are one of them. ARE you enJOYing your paaaah-TAY....
How To Make An Even Better Negroni
The Negroni is a deceptively simple drink, which is one reason so many cocktail blowhards use it to gauge a bartender’s competence. They’re looking to see if the new guy remembers to use the right color of vermouth, and then if he manages to combine it in equal measure with both gin and Campari. The...
How Do I Clean a Flask, Anyway?
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Threesomes Are Fun (If You Do Them Right)
In the pantheon of sexual fantasies blissful to imagine but volatile to undertake, threesomes are near the top of the list. It might seem like a ménage à trois should be an easy sell: more hands! More mouths! More genitals! More fun! Yet such logic evades the emotional brains driving our hot-sex-mac...
Stay-At-Home Dads Of The World, Unite!
We are a vast, disconnected, sleep-deprived sleeper cell. We are everywhere you look, hiding in plain sight, picking out the just-ripe mangoes at the grocery store or pushing our swinging kids at the playground. We kiss boo-boos, braid hair, and fix the kitchen faucet. Call us Mr. Moms, stay-at-home...
Men Should (Usually) Not Wear Sandals
This is going to come as a surprise to some of you gentlemen, but you cannot wear the same ratty running shoes to everything. It’s summer now, and you’re going to have to put at least a little bit of (warm and sunny) thought into your footwear....
Skeet-Shooting 101: How To Handle A Shotgun Safely And Awesomely
Guns make for poor conversation. Generally speaking, there are two entrenched ideological camps—aficionados and abolitionists—and any attempt to hold a middle ground is likely to enflame both sides. You, by now, probably know how you feel about guns, and this is, by no means, an attempt to change th...
How To Buy In Bulk
When my wife and I moved from a 600-square-foot apartment into our 1,000-square-foot house (with garage!), I was particularly excited about a few things: 1) having my very own washer and dryer, and being able to leave shit in them as long as I damn well pleased; 2) being able to more easily justify ...
How To Win Your First Week At A New Job
The nice thing about a new job is that it probably won’t start sucking immediately. It’ll be easy at first—kind of like the first week of class, where the only thing expected of you is your presence and appropriate clothing (anything beyond pajamas). But unlike the first week of school, your first w...
A Semi-Competent Father's Guide To Volunteering At Your Kid's School
One of the best parts of being a dad in public is the generalized expectation that you are basically a greased-up Kevin James playing banana-cream-pie Jenga with the Queen Mum. Remember those early solo outings with your baby and the generously low bar that you were held to? Doors held open, the faw...
How To Grill A Whole Fish, Because It's Just The Best Thing To Do
There are many good reasons for grilling whole fish. The skin and bones keep the flesh moist and flavorful; the skin itself, when cooked well, is life-changingly delicious; whole fish stands up better to grilling heat than a fillet or fish steak will; whole fish usually costs less by weight than the...
12 Ways To Rescue Bad Beer
Beer is better than every other food or beverage, up to and including chicken pot pie and bourbon. I didn’t come here to speak ill of Earth’s finest ingestible. Beer’s the best, and everyone should drink all of it....
How To Fight A Debt-Collection Letter
At some point in this unblemished modern world of ours, you’re going to receive a letter claiming that you owe someone money. If it’s a real debt from a real bank or collections agency, then, yeah, unfortunately, you’re going to have to pay at least some of it somehow. But there’s also the likelihoo...
Therapy Is For Everyone, Even You
Contrary to popular belief, everybody could use a little therapy. Even after a decade of watching Don of All Dons Tony Soprano put in his weekly couch time, we downplay the importance of mental health and regard talking about your feelings as a sign of weakness. (It's not.) That said, therapy shoul...
How To Book A Music Festival
Over the past few weeks, your hip friends have been excitedly clogging up your social-media feed with chatter about the bands that will be playing over three days in some remote location you've never even heard of. Meanwhile, the first weekend of Coachella 2015 has ended, and the second weekend is...
How To Attend A Sporting Event Like A Functional Adult
First, a story of bad fan behavior....