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An Exceedingly Polite Beginner's Guide To Anal Sex
Anal play, as you likely well know by now, is having its moment. Hell, even Vogue is writing about it, and Harvard is, like, teaching classes about the basics of butt-banging. But we can't all go to Harvard (and thank God for that), which means that the 101-type stuff that a lot of curious folks m...
Don't Read These Beloved Children's Books To Your Kids
I’m a stay-at-home dad with two kids. My daughter is seven, but before she was old enough to go to preschool, I watched her when she was awake and worked odd hours from home while she slept. My son is two, and we’re on the same schedule, except that I’ve recently joined the jobless recovery, so now...
How To Cook Broccoli, On Purpose, And Enjoy It, Which Is Possible
Broccoli is good. No, it is! Good for you, sure, yes, high in fiber and vitamin C and some things called carotenoids that I'm pretty sure were the bad guys in The Fifth Element? But also they are supposed to have antioxidant properties, which means they make you immune to rust....
How To Change A Tire Without Getting Killed Like A Big Dummy
There's really only a very few basic things that are required to be thought of as some manner of "man": Really, it's just genitals of some sort (testes, ovipositor, whatever) and the ability to change a car's tire. Hell, most people don't even care about the genitals thing. It's all changing tires...
How To Talk About God, And Your Wedding, With Your Future In-Laws
This past June, I got married. It was one of the best days of my life, and I hope to never have to experience it again. As anyone who has been through one knows, weddings are a deeply magical experience festooned with deeply unmagical questions: inside or outside? Who pays for what? Is beet salad ...
How To Not Get Shot To Death By A Police Officer
If you're reading this, congrats! You're definitely alive, and you're probably not being stopped or shot to death by a police officer at this very moment. This is half the battle. Now the hard part: If you're alive, there's a chance you'll get stopped by a police officer before you die, and if you...
How To Drive In The Snow, In A Regular-Ass Car, Without Freaking Out
First, a tale....
How To Stock Your Home Bar
No one's coming over to your house for a flaming cocktail. Conversely, no one's coming over to your house if you have no booze at all. You don't need to get too wild, but you need to be prepared. Friend, you need to stock a home bar....
How To Cook A Bunch Of Good Food For The Super Bowl Party
So the Super™ Bowl® is here, and that means some sucker—maybe even you!—will be hosting a Super™ Bowl® party which they will feel weirdly obligated to refer to as a "Big Game" party, because the NFL likes to sue people for liking it. You will have to bring something to this shindig—especially if ...
How To Buy A New Car Without Getting Ripped Off
So you've finally made it to the point where you can treat yourself to a new car. But you're past the point of searching Craigslist for thousand-dollar beaters; it's time to put the big-boy pants on and head to the dealership. Here's how to go car-shopping without getting taken for a ride....
How To Hit On Girls In The Club (Or Not)
Let me get this out of the way: I love both going to the club (dancing and music are great!) and dudes (they're so cute!). But dudes absolutely ruin the club. There's a reason ladies often get in for free or cheap: Both dudes and non-dudes are happier when the dude ratio is lower. Just a small sampl...
I'm A Grown Man Who Wet The Bed. What Do I Do Now?
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
How To Beat Insomnia, Or At Least Learn Good Sleep Habits, Ya Zombie
One of the features of young-adulthood is being oh God like soooooo hungover and sleep-deprived all the time, darkly glamorous behind thick, black vampire shades and beneath wild bedhead, lurching into your workplace like Death itself with a not now OK scowl and scandalizing all the old married fa...
How To Survive A Blizzard In Style
You may have heard about a big East Coast blizzard hitting soon. Big storms are like the crimes on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, in that they happen everywhere, but always get more coverage when they happen to New Yorkers....
How To Win A Swordfight
Let's say a gentleman scandalizes your lady at a bar. Rude, right? Let's say he poisons your father to get closer to your mother. Ruder, I'd say. But what're you gonna do about it? Today, such matters are usually resolved via graceless brawls involving a combination of wrestling and hair-pulling. ...
How To Bake Bay Scallops, And Prove That Size Isn't Everything
Seems like bay scallops get kind of a raw deal, doesn't it? At my local purveyor of seafoods, the big honkin' fist-sized sea scallops get a place of honor in the glass display case, while the bay scallops are stuck over in the freezer across the way, packed by the dozens into grim plastic bags, f...
Chainsaws 101: How To Safely Operate A Murdertoy
Winter is full of creaking trees and crackling fires, which are reasonable enough excuses to buy a chainsaw. You'll want a reasonable excuse, because it's passé to admit that these things are a shocking amount of dangerous fun....
How To Survive At The Poker Table
Poker used to be cool. From Wild Bill Hickok getting shot up over aces and eights to Paul Newman and Robert Shaw eyefucking each other in The Sting, it has always held a place in American culture as the game you'd find grown-ass men playing in the smoke-filled back rooms of grown-ass places. Blame...
How To Meet Your Significant Other's Parents Without Terrifying Them
Of all the fraught rites of new-relationship escalation—Facebook status changes and move-ins and one of you using the toilet while the other showers and so on—none inspires more anticipatory dread than the Parent Meet. And for a whole host of legitimate reasons: the psychic weight of parental app...