im Page 350 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Is Who The Giants Are
I don’t want to hear a single reader complain about having to watch the Giants in primetime. Buddy, I live here; I’m forced to watch them every week. And yes, based on this extensive firsthand knowledge, they absolutely are this bad....
Disease-Carrying Vermin Still A Little Too On-The-Nose As Coincidental Mets-Adjacent Phenomenon
The Red Sox, healthy, secure, surging toward the best season in franchise history, played with the toy skeleton of a rat in their dugout Friday night, mounting it on the dugout wall and putting seeds in its little mouth. Ha ha! The Mets, helpless, sick, crawling along in ignominy toward the conclusi...
Report: Joakim Noah And Knicks Will Be Liberated From One Another
The bitter feud between the New York Knicks and their most overpaid and underused player may be close to a resolution, per Shams Charania of The Athletic:...
Anthony Rizzo Dealt With The Cubs' Insane Travel Schedule By Never Taking Off His Uniform
The Chicago Cubs caught a bad break in terms of travel this week. After Wednesday’s home loss to the Milwaukee Brewers, they had to jump on a plane and fly to Washington, D.C. to play a make-up game against the Nationals that had been rained out last weekend. That game ended at almost 8:00 p.m. loca...
Tom Thibodeau Continues Collecting The Ghosts Of The 2012 Chicago Bulls
Luol Deng reportedly agreed this week to join the Minnesota Timberwolves, where he will be reunited with head coach Tom Thibodeau, who coached him for three plus seasons when both were in the Chicago Bulls organization. He will join Derrick Rose, Jimmy Butler, and Taj Gibson in Minnesota, reuniting ...
Colorado Sports Fan's Plan To Rob Vape Store Falls Apart After He Drops Gun And Pants
This guy here, by appearances an avid Broncos and Rockies fan, spectacularly failed to rob an E-Cig of Denver store in Colorado on Sept. 2. Fumbling his gun over the counter was a bad start, and failing to secure his pants was a bad follow-up, although he did redeem himself somewhat with a super coo...
Pitt Assistant Coach Says He Hasn't Left His Office Since Losing To Penn State, Prefers Flat Soda
Penn State trounced Pitt 51-6 last weekend, and nobody is taking that loss harder than Panthers tight ends coach Tim Salem. Fueled by a steady diet of carbonation-free, ice-cold chartreuse soda, Salem has spent the last few days in his office grinding non-stop. He hasn’t really slept at all, presuma...
Lawsuit Claims Larry Nassar Raped And Impregnated Field Hockey Player In 1992
A lawsuit against Michigan State University filed by former Michigan State field hockey player Erika Davis alleges that disgraced former university doctor Larry Nassar sedated, raped, and impregnated her. The suit also claims that former athletic director George Perles, who is now a university trus...
Philadelphia Union Introduce New Mascot, A Snake With Arms And Legs, Which Are Like The Most Important Things A Snake Doesn't Have
In their ninth MLS season, the Philadelphia Union finally (finally) have a mascot. It seems like mere days ago he was a giant egg at the Philadelphia Zoo, which at least indicated that he was not a mammal, or was at least a monotreme. Today, we all got the big news:...
Nicklas Bendtner Decked A Cabbie And Broke His Jaw
Former Arsenal player and cult-favorite shithead Nicklas Bendtner famously once unbuckled his pants, rubbed his junk up against a taxi, and then spanked the presumably titillated but bewildered vehicle with his just-removed belt in a fit of anger aimed at the cab’s driver. On Sunday, Bendtner was on...
Like The Rest Of Us, Tennis's Governing Bodies Are Arguing About Serena Williams
Through a series of statements, tennis’s governing bodies (the Women’s Tennis Association, the U.S. Tennis Association, and the International Tennis Federations) are staking out their positions on the sad and entirely avoidable debacle that was the U.S. Open women’s final. ...
Men Should Play Best Of Three Sets, And Anyone Who Says Otherwise Is A Weenie Like ESPN's Brad Gilbert
At the grand slams—Australian Open, French Open, Wimbledon, and U.S. Open—men play best-of-five set matches, and these matches are often too long. (Men play best of three sets at all other tournaments, except the Davis Cup.) At Wimbledon this year, John Isner and Kevin Anderson played for more than ...
FanSided, <i>Sports Illustrated's</i> Slimy Appendage, Reeks Of Exploitation
In 2015, Time Inc., the listing titan of 20th-century publishing, bought FanSided—a network of more than 300 sport- and team-centric blogs producing the sort of easily digestible and SEO-friendly posts that exist purely to show up near the top in Google searches—and attached it to their legacy publi...
Bills Pack Nathan Peterman's Career Highlights Into 37-Second Hype Video
It’s a question that has plagued all of us for quite some time now: If you put every positive football play Bills starting quarterback Nathan Peterman has ever made into a single video, would the video even be a minute long? We have the answer now....
The Good-For-Nothing Nationals Came Within One Lousy Run Of The Rare All-69 Trifecta
The Nationals beat the Cardinals by one run in extras on Labor Day. Who gives a shit, right? The Nationals are junk. The loss could matter to the Cardinals in their pursuit of an NL Wild Card, but that is not why we are here. We are here for this:...
Now Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Is Calling Out The NFL Over Colin Kaepernick
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the former president of Iran and a man of many sports takes, has now come to the defense of Colin Kaepernick, the out-of-work quarterback....
CORRECTED: Big Ten Network Suspends Braylon Edwards Indefinitely For Criticizing Michigan On Twitter
CORRECTION (7:51 p.m.): Though the announcement of Edwards’s suspension was made after Harbaugh’s press conference, Pat Kenny of Big Ten Network tells Deadspin that Edwards was informed of his suspension Sunday, before Harbaugh made his comments, and that “Coach Harbaugh’s comments had no bearing on...
So I Guess We're Blaming The Buffalo Bills For Acts Of Domestic Terrorism?
The premise of this breathtakingly insane Politico article really is—swear to God—that Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City because the Buffalo Bills couldn’t win a Super Bowl. The author attempts to say otherwise, but he also says this:...
Nick Saban Apologizes To ESPN Reporter Maria Taylor For Chewing Her Out Over Harmless Quarterback Question
ESPN sideline reporter Maria Taylor asked Alabama head coach and general grump Nick Saban to assess his quarterbacks’ performance after Alabama’s 51-14 blowout of Louisville Saturday night. It was a perfectly reasonable question, and Saban responded like she’d asked him to choose which of his childr...