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![Howard University Suspends Entire Athletic Program [UPDATES]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17ikhptsxk8dgjpg.jpg)
Howard University Suspends Entire Athletic Program [UPDATES]
Washington City Paper reports that Howard University is temporarily suspending all sports teams and all upcoming games while they investigate...something. The school's terse statement:...

Nice Of Marlins Park To Include A Bobblehead Hall Of Nightmares
Lost in all the other wonderful features, like the fish and the home run sculpture and the fact that Marlins Park is actually really nice is something called the Bobblehead Museum. No need to come to Little Havana to see it—it'll come to you in your nightmares....

Robert Griffin III Celebrates His Last Winning Moment In A Long Time
We're not really sure why RGIII got to climb the ladder to cut the nets after Baylor's women's basketball team beat Notre Dame in last night's NCAA title game. Must have been the important role he played in the Lady Bears' victory....

Report: The Vikings Are Trying To Hire Bill Parcells
Oh, you thought Bill Parcells was going to babysit the Saints for a year? Not if Zygi Wilf gets his way, says the New York Post:...

Baylor Assistant Damion McKinney Wore A Tablecloth As A Necktie To The National Championship
I believe that's Baylor women's assistant coach Damion McKinney as spotted before last night's 80-61 victory that capped off a 40-0 season for the lady Bears. I have no idea what he is wearing as a necktie. Did he eat at Red Lobster and forget to remove his bib? Was he arguing before the United Sta...

Dog Eats Man's Masters Tickets, Man Induces Dog To Puke, Man Pieces Tickets Back Together
That was pretty much the scenario for Russ Berkman of Seattle. Berkman had four tickets to tomorrow's practice round at Augusta National. But his dog, Sierra, ate them, leaving behind nothing but the strings they were attached to. Here's Devil Ball Golf, which wrote up Berkman's interview with Seatt...

Annals Of Bullshit: The Myth Of The Myth Of Cal Ripken's Historic Home Run
Twenty years ago, Oriole Park at Camden Yards brought in an era of fake history in baseball architecture. So it fits that The Baltimore Sun's roundup of the park's greatest moments would feature fake history too. For the No. 1 moment, baseball beat reporter Dan Connolly described the night Cal Ripke...

The Ever-Inflating Joe Flacco: "I Think I'm The Best"
It was only back in January, on the eve of his fourth postseason appearance in as many seasons, that Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco demanded a little credit for being a playoff quarterback. Baltimore subsequently defeated Houston before losing to New England, thus keeping Flacco's reputation solidly ...

Minor League Baseball: The Last Bastion Of Acceptable Exploitation In Professional Sports (Not Counting The NCAA)
For every top-flight prospect apprenticing in the minors after receiving a multi-million dollar signing bonus, hundreds of players are drafted every year and get $1,000, tops. Salaries start at $1,100 a month, and the checks only come for half a year. As Lily Rothman says over at Slate, most of thes...

Here's What Kentucky's Championship Celebration Sounded Like Over The Lexington Police Scanner
If you weren't tuned in to the Lexington Police Department's radio scanner last night, you missed out on a wild world of sports celebrations that ranged from the violent to the perverse. (The #LexingtonPoliceScanner Twitter hashtag alone was trending worldwide, at one point.) We recorded the whole ...

Marlins Park, Camden Yards, And The End Of The Retro Ballpark
Marlins Park has been unveiled to the masses, and early reviews are fawning. "Contemporary," "dazzling," "forward-looking." The only thing not state-of-the-art is a true center field camera (perhaps the home run sculpture is in the way)....

That "White Michael Vick" Issue Of <em>ESPN The Magazine</em> Is Up For An Award
Remember this edition of ESPN The Periodical? It's been nominated for a National Magazine Award in the "single-topic issue" category. As you know, the issue touched on of the one of the great faultlines in our culture today: bad Photoshop. [ASME]...

Taco B.M. Monster Wins Name Of The Year
The votes are counted, the tallies tallied, and Dutch medical professional Taco B.M. Monster has been awarded the Name of the Year, beating out such luminaries as Commie Spead, Monsterville Horton IV, and Madz Negro. Next year's tournament starts "soonish." [NOTY]...

Wilt And Phog, Two Jayhawks Passing In The Night
Forced to retire at 70 years old, Phog Allen landed one last recruit: a tall kid out of Philadelphia named Wilt. Allen coached Chamberlain for one year, on Kansas's freshman team, but it was Dick Harp who led Chamberlain and company to the triple-overtime 1957 title game against UNC, by some telling...

The Maloofs Claim They Are "100 Percent Committed" To Sacramento
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the Maloofs are lying, of course....

Russian Soccer Fans Taunt Opponents With Blowjobby Tifo
Spartak Moscow supporters, with an ingenuity far surpassing their maturity, rigged up a penis banner to mouth-sodomize the mascot of rival Zenit Saint Petersburg. I think the fact that it's bestiality precludes any accusations of homophobia. [Off The Post]...

Jeffrey Loria Is Spectacularly Unlikable
Ben McGrath has a fun story about the Miami Marlins in this week's New Yorker (subscription required), which, as its primary function, introduces uptown types to Ozzie (and Oney) Guillen. But Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is present too. In fact, he condescends to you through print. He makes you feel ...

Bruce Pearl’s First Con, And The World That Created A Monster (Deadspin Classic)
Over the weekend, one long-running college basketball feud came to a quiet and friendly conclusion: Jimmy Collins, a former Illinois assistant, finally received an apology from Bruce Pearl, the disgraced former Tennessee coach. As an Iowa assistant in 1989, Pearl had accused Collins of offering mone...

Fishing Writer Submits April Fools' Column Without Telling His Editor, Paper Runs It As Fact
April Fools' Day is a day when internet users need to be especially vigilant. For every creative and well-conceived joke, like Google's 8-bit maps or AdBlock's CatBlock, there are 10 dumb "pranks" that consist of nothing more than "making shit up" and calling it an April Fool's Day joke. They're not...

Here Is The Much-Ballyhooed Ubaldo Jimenez Plunking Of Troy Tulowitzki
Earlier this afternoon, tensions ran high between the Cleveland Indians and the Colorado Rockies when Ubaldo Jimenez drilled his former teammate, Troy Tulowitzki. Tulo immediately dropped his bat and made toward the mound and Jimenez decided to meet him halfway. Benches cleared and not much else h...