rants Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
There Are Only Two Acceptable Wedding Dress Codes
Yesterday, I was having a nice coffee outside with a friend who was telling me about an upcoming trip. He and his girlfriend were going to a wedding in Austin. I, a famous lover a good wedding, wanted details. There’s a moment when you ask people who wear dresses about weddings that never comes up w...
If You’re Defending Tom Brady’s Cheap Martyr Routine, You’re Fucking Pathetic
The scene is good. In case you missed it, have a gander below at the now-infamous scene from the new Paul Rudd show Living With Myself where Tom Brady strolls out of a massage parlor:...
Cardinals Manager Mike Fucking Shildt Gets All Fucking Riled Up After Beating The Fucking Braves
After the Cardinals tore the Braves a new asshole in Wednesday’s series-clinching 13–1 Game 5 win, Cards manager Mike Shildt ripped them yet another poop valve in his triumphant, fuck-laden postgame talk in front of his team:...
God Man, Fuck You Bret Stephens
In case you were busy actually enjoying your weekend, Jordan Peterson celebrity cruise attendant Bret Stephens went ahead and ruined everyone else’s by scribbling out a bunch of racist bumper sticker slogans in the New York Times. And this time, ol’ Bret did so without the veneer of preciousness tha...
Google's Smart Compose Is Shitty And Definitely Evil
Not satisfied with foisting predictive text and Smart Replies upon an unsuspecting public, Google rolled out a new Smart Compose feature for mobile Gmail two months ago that, like your significant other interrupting you, storms right ahead and puts words in your mouth. Like so:...
The Worst People Win Again
All the terrible people are happy today. Robert Kraft is happy, and presumably has a low arm wrapped around an auto show model, because another ring only further burnishes his title of King Of All Owners. Tom Brady is happy because he gets to frame himself as an underdog who overcame impossible odds...
Please Stop Praising The Idiot Football Men For Dressing Poorly In Cold Weather<em></em>
As you might have heard, it’s cold outside in large portions of the country today. It’s so cold that (PSA: there is no punchline forthcoming) the National Weather Service has warned citizens of Chicago that frostbite can set in after just five minutes of exposure to such extreme temperatures. Has th...
Stop Squeezing The Food At Me
An unavoidable consequence of spending any meaningful amount of time online is being exposed to viral food content. Some of that stuff looks good and appetizing and much of it is trollish and stupid and decadent in ways that suggest a culture in serious trouble. But there is one particular aspect to...
"This Is An Utter Embarrassment"
“WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHAT ARE WE DOING!???”...
Boxing Manager Melts Down At Press Conference: "I Fuck Your Wife! In Your Bed!"
Chris Eubank Jr. and Avni Yildirim will fight this weekend at 168 pounds, but the best fight of the event took place this morning, when Yildirim’s manager went ballistic. Ahmet Öner got into it with a member of Eubank’s camp and repeatedly yelled at him. He then threatened to fight him, sat down, th...
Instagram Poet Rupi Kaur Seems Utterly Uninterested In Reading Books
There’s an old, little-known idiom that goes something like this: Don’t judge a book by its cover....
Sheffield Wednesday Manager Smashes Money To Prove His Team Doesn't Suck
Carlos Carvalhal, the manager of underachieving English second-tier club Sheffield Wednesday, faced some tough questions from the media following a 4-2 defeat to crosstown rivals Sheffield United. Rather than answer simply with words, a testy Carvalhal pulled out a 20-pound note and gave reporters a...
Alexi Lalas Berates The Entire USMNT
Most domestic TV coverage of the USMNT is frustratingly friendly to the national team, and it’s rare to hear much cutting criticism, even when the team is playing like shit (which it is right now). Sunday night, however, one of the team’s biggest TV cheerleaders turned all his energy back on the squ...
Sunderland's Darron Gibson Shits On Teammates In Drunken Bar Rant
Recently relegated Sunderland got their asses handed to them in a friendly against Celtic on Saturday, losing by a score of 5-0. After the match, some Sunderland fans happened upon Darron Gibson at a bar. Confronted by the fans’ frustrations, the Northern Irish midfielder is caught on video going on...
NBA Fines David Fizdale $30,000 For Righteous Rant
Grizzlies head coach David Fizdale gave us one of the best coach rants in history when he went off on the referees after his team’s Game 2 loss to the Spurs. Today, the league announced that he has been fined $30,000 for his comments....
Grizzlies Coach Dave Fizdale Goes Scorched Earth On Refs In Postgame Rant<em></em><em></em>
The Grizzlies recovered from a huge deficit tonight against the Spurs, but eventually fell short of a comeback win, losing 96-82. Kawhi Leonard shot 19 free throws in the game while the Grizzlies shot just 15, a fact which coach Dave Fizdale was quick to note in his postgame press conference. ...
Humorless Dickhole Business Writer Very Upset About March Madness Pools<em></em>
As much as we here at Deadspin like to poke fun at sportswriters and political hot-take artists, the truth is that business journalists may be the lowliest scum of all. We’re all horrified by Darren Rovell, and yet there’s only ONE of him in sports. Really, that man is just a business reporter in sp...
Panels Are Shit
South by Southwest is going on in Austin this week and if you’ve ever been to that thing, you know that it started out as a music festival before BIG LANYARD got its paws on it and turned it into an event where brands jizz all over themselves and do NOT keep Austin weird. Since the festival’s incep...
Get These Sports Dads Out Of My Face
LaVar Ball is the father of UCLA freshman sensation Lonzo Ball, and this week he got into a beef with Charles Barkley after Barkley goofed on him for predicting his son will be better than Steph Curry. Here’s a small snippet of Ball’s retort:...