rants Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mike Francesa Cannot Work In This Filth
Via Awful Announcing, WFAN's sports talk radio creature from the black lagoon Mike Francesa decided to start yesterday's show with the one thing he knows his listeners care about most: how messy the previous show's hosts left his desk. It's a fun rant though, especially coming from a guy who knows...
The Year In Rants: All The Unhinged Rambling We And Others Did This Year
There was a lot of ranting to be done in 2012. Some of it was carried out by us, and some of it was carried out by people who may actually be crazy. Enjoy all the yelling....
Jerry Seinfeld Is The Worst
I've reached my tipping point with Jerry Seinfeld. It happened today, with this endless New York Times writeup that no one asked for, which includes the following caption: ...
Philosophy Professors Come To The Defense Of Suspended Wyoming Coach Dave "Mr. Fucking Howdy Doody" Christensen
Dave Christensen was suspended for a week and fined after this meltdown following Wyoming's loss to Air Force, in which he accused his counterpart of having the Falcons quarterback fake an injury to stop the clock. Our favorite quote, very to-the-point, was Christensen's accusatory "You have no fu...
Profane Rant By D-III Christian College's Golf Coach Is A Thing To Behold
You could forward through the first 1:55 of this clip to get to the yelling and the screaming and the oh-so-many bad words. You could. But you shouldn't, because the buildup is what makes the explosion so great. Calm, helpful strategy gives way to praise for the one player who shot a decent round,...
Michael Wilbon Is A Gutless, Starfucking Crybaby Troll
For the past three decades, Mike Wilbon has earned a living barely disguising his contempt for you, the filthy peasant sports fan. Whether boasting to the world how unsurprised he was about Sean Taylor being murdered, or chastising you for looking to him for gossip from his White House partygoing, o...
FIRE THIS ASSHOLE
This is Roger Goodell. He's the commissioner of the NFL. Someone, please, FIRE THIS ASSHOLE....
The Scab Refs Still Suck, And Roger Goodell Is Still A Hypocritical Shitstain
On Aug. 31, just a week or so prior to the kickoff of the new season, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell sent out a "note" to the public that was essentially a press release, a reminder to you, the NFL viewing public, that the league was going balls-out on player safety:...
This Is Now The Pittsburgh Pirates' Worst Season Ever
There was Pat Meares, and there was Operation Shutdown. There were those 100 losses in 2001, the year PNC Park opened. There was whatever they did to mess up Oliver Perez. There was that lost Saturday night in Anaheim in '07, when Ian Snell just couldn't take it anymore. And there was last year's 19...
The Time Has Come For America's Flight Attendants To Shut Up
I think we can all agree that the emcee-ization of America's flight attendants has grown steadily worse over the past decade. And today, reader Kurt has sent us (and Gawker) arguably the nadir of flight attendant pep talks. I must warn you in advance that these will be among the two most painfully a...
Counterpoint: Ads On Jerseys Are Bush-League Crap, And If You Think They're OK, You're A Stooge
Oh, gee, the NBA wants to build on its incredible globe-spanning success and goodwill by putting ads on its uniforms, because...that's how they do it in the WNBA. And MLS. And various other unpopular and/or foreign sports leagues, and uh NASCAR, which, really? NASCAR was a long-form automobile comme...
Dear ESPN: Your Movie-Tie-In Promos Suck
I was watching the NBA Finals last night. Or, at least, I was attempting to watch them. ESPN was unconcerned with my ability to watch the fucking game and much more interested in running 17 different introductory segments to the game. This is what ESPN always does. They run a dramatic intro to the g...
Summer Is The Goddamn Worst
May has started, which means that we're quickly running out of May and I don't want May to end because that means summer is here and OH FUCK GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN....
James Jones Flopped, And It Sent Jeff Van Gundy On An Apoplectic Rant
ESPN basketball analyst Jeff Van Gundy has gone on rants about flopping before, but today's (sparked by a third-quarter dive by James Jones in the Heat-Knicks matchup) is one for the ages. Play-by-play man Mike Breen tries his hardest to get Van Gundy off the topic, but fails—JVG even runs over t...
There Were Three Stooges At Yesterday's NASCAR Event, And They Were Not Named Dale, Darryl, Or Darrell
From the moment he slipped the fire suit over his frizzed hair, Larry knew his dreams had finally become reality. He'd aspired to pilot the speed machine from the time he was five years old, playing with Matchbox—...
Twitter's Favorite Anonymous Sportswriter Has Some Thoughts On Bobby Knight's Latest Embarrassing Debacle
Angry former basketball coach Bobby Knight, now an ESPN color analyst, will not speak the name of those loathsome Kentucky Wildcats on air. Most everyone knows this by now, but no one has been able to get Knight on the record regarding his bratty behavior. So when The Big Lead's Jason McIntrye procu...
The IRQ Car Decal: Noble Or Horrible?
I hate Euro Decals. HATE THEM. They are the fucking scourge of the highways: one goddamn SUV after another with some precious OBX circle sticker planted somewhere above the trunk handle. People like slapping Euro decals on their car because they like letting you know where they spend their leisure t...
Dear MSG And Time Warner Cable: Eat A Bag Of Salted Dicks
Linsanity reached a fever pitch last night, and judging from Twitter, all of North America saw it happen. Not me. I can't watch the most exciting thing to happen to the NBA in years, and I can't watch any Knicks games because I live in New York....
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
Every year you watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and every year you come away depressed. You're a real asshole, Charlie Brown. Originally published Dec. 9, 2010. Read Tom Scocca's counterpoint: "Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus."...
Christmas Hype Will Drive Your Children To Insanity
Christmas is four days away. I know this because my kids have been counting down the days since, I dunno, LAST goddamn Christmas. Children have boring lives. They have to go to school all day. They have to listen to adults tell them what to do. They can't watch porn. It blows. Christmas is one of th...