ty Page 753 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Lady Who Yelled At Cops To Stop Beating, Tasing The Patriotic Pirates Fan Was Fined $1,000
Remember the clearly patriotic Pirates fan who got billy clubbed and Tased at PNC Park earlier this month? Of course you do, but here's a link to it anyway. Dude's name is Scott Ashley. He's 40, from Friendship, but isn't due in court until May 25 to face charges of harassment, public drunkenness,...

Holy Shit, This Guy From Arizona Really Might Not Have A Mouth
A Phoenix New Times story, headlined "Mouthless Meth Salesman Busted For Slangin' Meth, Keeping Unauthorized Shotgun Next To Bed," fails to answer one very important question: If Alan John Shepard doesn't actually have a jaw and/or mouth, what happened to it?...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXV
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until [Daniel] Snyder's dumbass libel suit find its way into the wood chipper....

North Dakota Passes A Law To Protect UND's Fighting Sioux Mascot; NCAA Will Make Them Break It
This week in North Dakota, where all news is news, the state legislature passed a law mandating that "the intercollegiate athletic teams sponsored by the [U]niversity of North Dakota shall be known as the [U]niversity of North Dakota fighting Sioux." Yes, the logo and nickname that the NCAA deemed w...

Jackass Columnist Blames Pitcher For Choosing Childbirth Over Pitching
I'm not a local, so I don't know how much of Dallas Observer columnist Richie Whitt's schtick might be part of his on-air radio personality, but I'm still going to bring your attention to this gem of a column:...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXIV
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until [Daniel] Snyder's dumbass libel suit puts down the gun and fights like a man....

NBA Admits That Kendrick Perkins Should Have Had Two Points Instead Of Four On Sunday
If you watched the Thunder-Nuggets game on Sunday night, you probably remember this play, which came with just over a minute remaining in the fourth quarter. Kendrick Perkins, the Oklahoma City big man who has struggled a bit — with injury and with scoring — since he arrived from Boston in Februar...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXIII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until [Daniel] Snyder's dumbass libel suit gets displaced by a more successful invasive species....

Let's Watch The Brawl That Added To The Widespread "Mayhem" At Rutgers U This Weekend
Shit got real at Rutgersfest 2011 to the point where the folks over at Bob's Blitz declared the shootings and evacuations "helped transform New Brunswick into Eastern Libya."...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is bludgeoned to death....

Here's Video Of The Nick Saban Statue Descending "From The Clouds Of Heaven"
Not one to be outdone by statue-unveiling Florida and/or statue-announcing Auburn, the Crimson Tide made a nine-foot statue of Nick Saban available for everyone in Tuscaloosa to see yesterday....

Colin Cowherd Will Have You Know His Script Can Get Worse By The Hour
Back in February, we brought you the Awful Pilot for Colin Cowherd's Awful TV Show. It was doubly awful. Read it here if you're so inclined....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is reduced to nothingness....

Here's Video Of A Kevin Durant Fan Getting "Thunder" Tattooed On Her Thigh
Thanks to Royce from DailyThunder.com for sharing what he deemed "Potentially insane female Thunder fan gets massive tattoo on her thigh." When the team moves back to Seattle, Royce will have used one word too many and Priscilla, well, Priscilla seems like she'll be just fine with it anyway....

Picture Of An Engineering Student In Bikini Gets College Race-Car Team Suspended From Competition
Oh, the crazy stuff that goes on at the University of Waterloo's Student Design Center. As part of its preparations for an international competition in Michigan, the Canadian school's Formula SAE race-car-building team decided to conduct a photo shoot....

The Tax Man's Charges Against Lenny Dykstra Actually Involve A Kitchen Sink
Your morning roundup for April 16, the day Ralphie turns 40, making a whole lot of people question their very mortality, their confidence as fra-gee-lay as a leglamp....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Daniel Snyder's dumbass libel suit is reduced to powder and not the fun kind (for Daniel Snyder)....

NBA Selects Man Who Relocated The Sonics And Lied About It To Head Relocation Committee
It gets worse for Sacramento. David Stern has appointed Clay Bennett, second-most hated man of Seattle and 2008 Oklahoman of the Year, to lead its Relocation Committee. The deadline for the Kings decision has also been extended to May 2....

Royals Grounds Crew Worker Encounters The Steamrolling Terror Of The Tarp
Luckily, "they saw it," the announcer declares — but not until after the Kansas City grounds crew rolled a giant killer tarp over their eager coworker's body. He survived the cylindrical attack with at least a trace of his pride....

Here's Video Of A Pro Golfer Needing 16 Shots To Conquer A Par-4 Hole
Your morning roundup for April 15, the day after Walter Breuning died of natural causes. He was 114 years and 205 days old....