whimsy Page 99 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Google Video, Jose Canseco And You
We're not sure how we'd react if attacked by a leopard; probably curl up like an armadillo and roll toward the nearest large body of water. But we would hope that it would be a manly, dignified roll. We wouldn't want to go out squealing like a Girl Scout, as you can hear in this video. The reason we...
Stolen Car Clip A Fake, Subsequent Beatdown Not So Much
By now, many of us have seen the video of the fan who ran on the track at Altamont Motorsports Park last week and stole the winning car, driving it away. The above video was all over the place, from CNN to "SportsCenter" to "Today."...
We're Only 99 44/100ths Percent Pure, Ourselves
The woman on the left in this photo is Danika Schroeter. She finished second in the Canadian downhill mountain biking championships last week, finishing just one second behind Michelle Dumaresq. Dumaresq is the woman in the middle. The lady on the right ... we don't know who the lady on the right is...
"Unfortunately, We Don't Have That Tape Either"
From the "Boom Goes The Dynamite" file comes this decade-old but new-to-us clip of a Quincy, Ill. CBS affiliate....
The Most Famous Buzzsaw Cheerleader
So here's the best story we've heard all day, even though it's only new to us. If any of you out there, like us, religiously watch "The Office" — we even watch the repeats — you're familiar with Phyllis, the portly saleswoman who knits and is happy in love with Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration....
Evidently, Larry Flynt Is In The Basketball Court Painting Business
I'm a little disappointed in myself that I didn't notice this. What you are looking at is the court on which Team USA drubbed Puerto Rico last night in an exhibition basketball game. And, as was noted at sethgunderson.com, the lane looks a little... well, penile....
Gentlemen, Start Your Wanking
Right now Carl Monday is snapping down the protective visor on his riot helmet, scrambling into the back of the WKYC Action News van and yelling "Let's roll!" Yes, the big Masturbate-A-Thon is tomorrow,* which, if you live in Europe, still leaves you plenty of time to get to Drop Studios in London...
Wanted: One Huge NY Giants Fan
If you're looking to score a sweet New York Giants season ticket, take a look at this from Craig's List, and act fast. Only one catch: You must wear a sumo wrestler-style fat suit for each game. It seems that the "Fat Suit Fans" are down one member and are looking for a replacement. Other caveats in...
It's Not Easy For Canadians To Win Golf Clubs
So here's something funny and obscure that a reader just pointed out to us. This week, Sports Illustrated subscribers — like ourselves — were treated to a special promotion with Callaway Golf. Basically, you send in a contest card, and if you win, you get a X460 Driver and two X Fairway Woods. We ...
Cycling, Swimming And Running, Oh My!
You know, it's hard enough to finish a triathlon. We think we could handle the biking, and as long as we were allowed to occasionally walk, or even stop and lie down for a while, we could handle the running. We'd almost certainly drown, however. Anyway, imagine going through all the trouble of bei...
Visiting The Scene Of His Namesake's "Crime"
What do you do when your real name is Mike Cooper — but you're not that Mike Cooper — and you've found your MySpace page inexplicably inundated over the last month or so?...
A Short Note On The Royals
It's the sentence we never thought we'd live to hear. But there it was, just sitting there in the notes column of the Kansas City Star's Royals gamer on Sunday. It is at once awesome in its randomness, and frightening for the images it conjures. Even more terrifying: we know that someone, somewher...
Finally, YouTube Of Monday-Cooper, Part II
We know, it's a week-and-a-half old now, but we never did get a hold of YouTube of the gripping finale of the Carl Monday-Mike Cooper saga, and it has been nagging us, since we this whole thing started from YouTube anyway....
Over The Line? Yes, I'd Say So
There's a sporting event going on in San Diego this weekend that's described here in the LA Times as "a beer-fueled nudity fest." It's a tournament for a game called "Over-the-Line," which is kind of like softball, but weird. The rules state that... ah, who am I kidding, you haven't been able to c...
The Careful Way To Wedding Plan
With the first leg of the wedding season behind us and the next — in the September range, we think — someone finally asks a perfectly legitimate question: When is an appropriate time to have a wedding without getting in the way of appropriate sports viewing time?...
Only A Matter Of Time Before This Becomes An Olympic Sport, You Know
It is at once Carl Monday's worst nightmare, and everyone else's dream come true. On August 5, hundreds of people will gather in a hall in central London to, um, pleasure themselves for charity. We only wish we were kidding about the UK's first "masturbate-a-thon," in which contestants — both men ...
The True Nature Of Bo's Tecmo Dominance
From our old friends at Kissing Suzy Kolber comes this rather classic video of showing just how great Bo Jackson was on Tecmo Bowl. It's a quarter-long touchdown run. This almost certainly happened to us repeatedly as a child....
One Final Monday-Cooper Explosion ... Be Ready
So if you're like us and you spend your weekends doing everything you can to avoid the computer, you might not know about this yet. So we feel like maybe you should sit down. Take a deep breath. You might not be ready....
"One Shining Moment," It Is Not
Let's see... How do I go about explaning this to you. I, um... well... it's a song, that comes courtesy of Kentucky Sports Radio. It's a song written by the man pictured to your right, and... well, if you tried to imagine a song written and performed by that guy pictured to your right, it would so...
It Just Keeps Giving
I'm afraid I gave you only part of the story with the earlier Mike Cooper post. Carl Monday has gotten himself involved again, and where there's Carl Monday, there's more story....