Soccer Page 218 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Every Austin FC Chant Is Lame As Hell Except For The One That's A Tom Petty Song
MLS had a big ceremony today to announce that the league’s 27th club, Austin FC, will start playing in 2021. The franchise is an expansion team, not a relocated Columbus Crew (thank god), and although their debut MLS game is more than two years away, the branding process has already begun. There’s a...
Harry Kane's Injury May Well Doom Tottenham
Well, then. Tottenham is proper fucked, innit?...
The MLS SuperDraft Is An Embarrassing Relic
The 2019 edition of the MLS SuperDraft took place on Friday (rounds one and two, in Chicago) and Monday (rounds three and four, on a conference call), and it was another illustration of why it is ridiculous that the league even has a draft at all....
It's Beginning To Feel Like Manchester United Are Back
There’s not a chance in hell Manchester United win the Premier League this season. The odds of them accomplishing what should be the bare minimum for the richest club in the world—finishing in the Champions League places—are better, but hardly great. Barring multiple calamities on the part of a coup...
FIFA Does One Good Thing, Continues To Do Hundreds Of Awful Things
FIFA would like you to know that it is not full of bad people. On Wednesday, the world soccer governing body put out a statement in support of Hakeem al-Araibi, an Australia-based soccer player who was detained in Thailand in November....
Dejan Lovren Suspended For Calling Sergio Ramos, Spain Players "Pussies"
According to the Liverpool Echo, UEFA has suspended Croatia and Liverpool defender Dejan Lovren for one international match because of a postgame Instagram Live rant Lovren went on recently in which he bragged about elbowing Sergio Ramos and called the Spain national team “a bunch of pussies.”...
Las Vegas Police Have Put Out A Warrant For Cristiano Ronaldo's DNA
As first reported by TMZ and further elaborated on by the Wall Street Journal today, the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department have issued a warrant for Cristiano Ronaldo’s DNA in connection to the department’s investigation into the 2009 incident between Ronaldo and Kathryn Mayorga, in which th...
VAR Shat All Over Yesterday's Tottenham-Chelsea League Cup Match
Tottenham beat Chelsea in the first leg of their League Cup semifinal tie yesterday by a score of 1-0 thanks to a video replay-awarded penalty decision that was so comprehensively terrible that it had both managers trashing VAR after the match....
Finnish Soccer Player Refuses To Join National Team Camp In Qatar Because Qatar Is Evil
Riku Riski, a forward who plays for HJK Helsinki and the Finland national team, recently turned down an invitation to a national team training camp held in Qatar. Today, Finnish paper the Helsingin Sanomat reports that Riski rejected the call-up due to ethical concerns with the infamously human righ...
Hopefully We've Seen The Last Of Neymar's God-Awful Fake Dreadlocks
Elaborate hairstyles of both the well- and ill-advised variety have been a constant throughout Neymar’s career. And while we’ve enjoyed seeing his shift away from the perms he once constantly rocked in favor of more natural, kinky looks in recent years, we hope to God that yesterday’s debut of his a...
Soccer Player Says It Only Looks Like He Did Nazi Salute Because Of Some Unbelievable Circumstances
Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey is taking heat because of a group photo taken this weekend that appears to show him doing a Nazi salute in the background. More ridiculous than the logic used to try that gesture for a picture is Hennessey’s explanation for why it’s actually just a coinciden...
Franck Ribéry Defends Right To Eat Salt Bae's Garbage, Tells His Haters' Grandmothers And Mothers To Get Fucked
No sane person would flush gold down a toilet, nor would one consume gold-encrusted meat, but Bayern Munich forward Franck Ribéry essentially did both when he filmed himself at a Dubai restaurant preparing to put a steak flecked with the precious metal into what he later demonstrated to be his potty...
Let's All Gawk At This Impossible Lionel Messi Pass
Every day, we wake up to face the cruel realities of a world driven to ruin by overconsumption and powerful men’s self-absorbed disregard for the rest of us. We all find ways to overcome the internal crises that come with being alive in 2019, finding solace in moments that make us believe that there...
![Old Man Wayne Rooney Was Arrested At Dulles Airport For Something Called "Public Intoxication/Swearing" [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/peebc4tykpmxbjgw7sbe.jpg)
Old Man Wayne Rooney Was Arrested At Dulles Airport For Something Called "Public Intoxication/Swearing" [Update]
D.C. United captain and former Premier League champion Wayne Rooney was arrested in Dulles International Airport by Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority Police in December on charges of “public intoxication/swearing.” His case was taken to Loudoun General District Court, the county where the a...
Álvaro<em></em> Morata Is Not Okay (I Promise)
The good news for Álvaro Morata is that unlike Chelsea—a side that’s gone from early-season title contenders to just hoping they make the top-four—the Spanish striker has been rather consistent this season in his performances. The bad news is that that consistency has yielded a year of mediocrity fo...
Real Madrid Is In A Pit of Sadness Right Now
When the ghost of Santi Cazorla is out here scoring braces on you for a team in the relegation zone, maybe your season’s not going so hot. And so, while the rest of the soccer world was watching the Manchester City-Liverpool banger, Real Madrid were busy writing the newest chapter of their disappoin...
Manchester City Beat Liverpool And The Shit Just Got Real<em></em><em></em>
The act of playing soccer is so impressive because it involves 11 individuals combining their very specific and often disparate skills to create a amoeba-like whole that can progress a ball up and down a large field and into a goal using only its 22 feet while a competing body tries to stand in its ...
This Near-Goal From Liverpool May Make You Want To Throw A Remote
After one half, Manchester City leads Liverpool, 1-0, in a game that may all but decide the Premier League title The Reds are surely kicking themselves in the locker room after missing this chance to take the early lead....
How Is Christian Pulisic Going To Fit In At Chelsea?
On Wednesday, Premier League giants Chelsea purchased Christian Pulisic from Borussia Dortmund for an astronomical €64 million (nearly $73 million). After finishing out this season in Germany, the winger will officially become a member of one of the biggest clubs in the world, in the best league in ...
Hot Damn, Chelsea Just Bought Christian Pulisic For A Shit-Ton Of Money
The rumor mill has been in overdrive these past few weeks about Christian Pulisic’s future, and today we got official confirmation of a move that still feels a little shocking: Premier League giants Chelsea have purchased the artist formally known as America’s Wonderteen from Borussia Dortmund for a...