rum Page 64 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Andre Drummond Is A Hilarious Monster
After scoring 25 points and yanking down 29—twenty-goddamned-nine!—rebounds against the Pacers last night, Pistons center Andre Drummond’s per-game numbers are looking downright stupid. He’s averaging 20 points and 19 rebounds per game, and he’s the first player since 1985 to score at least 80 point...
A Guide To Cleaning Every Possible Halloween Mess (Including Fake Blood)
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Curt Schilling Has A Democratic Debate Take For You
There will be a lot of takes on tonight’s Democratic debate. Here’s the one that matters....
Fox Sports Humiliates America With Horrible USMNT Promo
Remember when a Mexican TV station used Donald Trump, a mass of whoopie cushions and mashed potatoes inhabited by a chaos demon, to troll the USMNT ahead of tomorrow’s game against Mexico? That was pretty good! They got us! Today, Fox tried to clap back with a promo video of its own:...
Remembering The Tour De Trump, Donald Trump's Failed Bike Race
Donald Trump, a talking tube of bronzer, is a man of leisure and failed investments. Right around the end of the 1980s, he expanded with a truly catastrophic series of investments which led him to declare his first of four corporate bankruptcies in 1991. There was Trump Airlines, Trump: The Game, an...
Brazilian Ref Whips Out A Big-Ass Gun After Getting Assaulted By Player
Look, if lower league refs keep getting punched and kicked and knocked out by irate players, this will be the natural end point of these things. Gabriel Murta’s response to being punched and kicked by a player in an amateur match in Brazil was just ahead of the curve....
Here Is Some Impossibly Stupid NBA Ass-Eating Gossip To Brighten Your Day
Sometimes, you just need to go to MediaTakeOut, a website that employs some of the finest prose stylists (seriously) of our time, and read an anonymous Instagram model’s account of how she ate NBA BALLER WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH A K’S butt, even though it was MUSTY....
Donald Trump: Joe Flacco Is Elite
Pestilent clownfister Donald Trump did a video Q&A today, and two of the 12 questions he answered were about the NFL. The first and most important was on the eliteness of one Joe Flacco:...
Welcome To Deadspin's Republican Debate Liveblog
Tonight’s Republican presidential debate takes place at the Ronald Reagan Library, where the top 11 candidates will discuss foreign policy, domestic issues, and probably Ahmed Mohamed, the Muslim teenager who was arrested for bringing his homemade clock to school earlier this week. Loony-toon Donald...
Tom Brady Says It "Would Be Great" If Donald Trump Becomes President
Tom Brady has had a Donald Trump hat in his locker for about a week now, sitting there on that shelf like a wearable fart. Someone in today’s media scrum asked Brady about the hat ahead of tonight’s GOP debate, leading the Patriots quarterback to toss around the idea of President Donald Trump....
How To Answer The Phone
Your phone rings. It isn’t one of the two people you talk to regularly, but also doesn’t appear to be a bill collector. And you, you’ve been answering the phone the same way since you were 12. Get yourself together. ...
An R.E.M. Song For Each 2016 Presidential Candidate
So Donald Trump took the stage at an anti-Iran-deal rally to the strains of R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine),” and Michael Stipe got all salty about it, and, well, look out. You’re welcome....
Bad Old Man Likes Other Bad Old Man
Mike Ditka, a cigar on life support, recently said some nice things about Donald Trump, a fart telling an endless joke about itself. This, naturally, has led to Trump stating that he’d like to get Ditka “involved in some capacity” with his potential presidency:...
Mexican TV Station Uses Donald Trump To Troll USMNT
The USMNT and Mexico are all set to square off next month in a crucial, one-off playoff for admission into the 2017 Confederations Cup in Russia. One Mexican TV station has pretty ingeniously cut up bits from a Donald Trump speech to predict America’s downfall. Here’s the TV spot:...
Someone Appears To Be Trying To Hoax The Marlins President Out Of His Job
When the Miami Marlins sent Marcell Ozuna to the minors on July 5, there was more in play than just giving the slumping third-year outfielder a chance “to get his rhythm back,” as Ozuna’s agent Scott Boras said he was told. Whether Ozuna becomes eligible for arbitration after this season or next dep...
Which NBA Player Cheered On His 69ing Partner Like A Teammate?
Assuming this Cosmopolitan 69ing anecdote is legitimate, who’s the NBA player motivating his partner during simultaneous oral sex sessions?...
John Harbaugh Thinks Donald Trump Has Some Good Ideas On Immigration
Ravens coach John Harbaugh was having a normal, boring press conference after Saturday’s practice. He talked about the team, about its first preseason game. He got on the subject of NFL officials, and how he thinks it’s a shame that they don’t work training camps to get ready for the season. And the...