Soccer Page 496 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Today In The Premiership...
• Sheffield United 1-2 Manchester United. Wayne Rooney put Manchester United on his back today and earned them a crucial 2-1 victory over Sheffield United. Sheffield led after a goal in the 13th minute, but a couple of clean Rooney strikes gave the Reds the win. I don't think Rooney's performance ...
Schoolhouse Rock
Back when we played youth sports, our parents had just one rule: no fraternizing with heavy metal bands. In England however they are much more lax. You may have heard of this already, but a North Hykeham, Lincoln U-10 soccer coach, in search of a team sponsor, came up with the idea of asking Motor...
Meanwhile, In English Soccer ...
And the punch line is, of course, the match still ended scoreless....
Hirshey: Who Doesn't Love Some Dynamo?
David Hirshey writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin....
Today In The Premiership...
Aston Villa 1-0 Everton. Not a great day for Everton... midfielder Tim Cahill was taken out on a stretcher, and they lost at home to Aston Villa despite dominating the play for long stretches of time. The extent of Cahill's injury isn't known just yet, but since a stretcher was required, the injur...
It Should Also Help With Crowd Impulse Control
Apparently, they've been running low on sperm in England, not just in general, but at the sperm banks. So, to make sure that any perspective sperm recipients receive the goods from the most intelligent, calm, rational donors possible, sperm banks are considering setting up shop right outside Premi...
On To Victory! (Well, Not Necessarily THAT Kind Of "Victory")
When you're a high school soccer coach, you've got several options when it comes to motivating your team. You can help them practice diving. You can teach them to pick up the football players' girlfriends when they're at a road game. You can even shower them with flop sweat. All kinds of choices....
Today In The Premiership...
Today feels like a fine day to celebrate the legacy of Sir Alex Ferguson. As of Monday, he will have been Manchester United's manager for 20 years, and Guardian Unlimited has this list of his best all-time quotes. I'll be honest, in half of them, I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I ...
Who's Sorry Now? Socceroo Edition
Welcome to Heartfelt Fridays, where the wheels of justice sometimes turn rather slowly, especially when it comes to soccer. But in the end, truth always prevails. Let's take a closer look, shall we?...
Survivor Never Gets Old
We've all heard some pretty great soccer goal calls in the past, but we might have never heard a more spirited one than this one. Frankly, we think all goals/runs/touchdowns/points should be announced in song....
Breaking: Athletes Also Like to Jack Off to Internet
ESPN reports on a dangerous new problem facing that country's footballers:...
Hirshey: The Return Of Rooney
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....
Today In The Premiership...
Bolton 0 - 4 Manchester United. Wee Wayne Rooney posted a hat trick earlier today, leading Manchester United to a 4-0 pounding of Bolton. The end of his eight-game goal-scoring drought prompted Rooney to burst into a rendition of Olivia Newton-John's Summer Nights. The win puts Manchester United bac...
Know How We Know You're Gay? You Watch 'Tweenies' (Just Kidding, Please Don't Punch Us)
The Mirror of London hits us today with 21 Things You Didn't Know About Roo; Roo of course being soccer star Wayne Rooney. Among the things you'd expect — likes to visit prostitutes, etc. — there are other things that would seem to indicate a softer side of Rooney; a sweet, nurturing side. Not that ...
Hirshey: Praising The Enemy, Begrudgingly
Though I would sooner have a wolverine or even Jermaine Defoe chew my arm off than be caught pimping for Manchester United, I do admit to having a soft spot for two players in the club's 114-year history....
Today In The Premiership...
Chelsea 2-1 Portsmouth. Chelsea is again back at the top of the standings, thanks in part to Andriy Shevchenko's first goal at Stamford Bridge. Michael Ballack also scored, making it a goal each for Chelsea's two big off-season whores. Portsmouth goalie David James was about the only thing keeping...
If Only He Had A Digital Pint
We've made fun of those video game motion capture things before, seeing as they're mostly photo ops for athletes like J.J. Redick (!!!) to pretend their movements are somehow scientific. Well, the creators of FIFA 07 have appropriately mocked this convention in a series of legitimately amusing ads. ...
For Those Few Seconds Of Needed Mirth
Just to clear that Buzzsaw taste out of our mouth — hey, it's Arizona at Oakland this week; that'll be fantastic — we've watched this video about five times this morning....
Hirshey: Don't Blame It On The Meds
Let's not beat around the bush: ARSENAL WILL WIN THE PREMIERSHIP. That is not a statement I imagined I would be making as recently as a month ago, and one that has absolutely nothing to do with the fistful of painkillers I'm required to take every day since tearing the miniscus in my left knee att...